Audio poem to be taken seriously

[Brother Swey]

https://soundcloud.com/brotherswey/camp-goddard-1


Please

[tectak]

https://soundcloud.com/brotherswey/camp-goddard-1


Please

hi bro,
I am not qualified to judge this sort of thing but am not sure that that is any worse than not being qualified to create a piece like this. What do you have to be? Seriously, then, what to say? The piece is mixed-media and so I would prefer to crit it on separate standards...poetically, though, it does not do much for itself. The rap element is very wearing and is falling out of mainstream favour (I am assured by my godson) as "music" again becomes dominant in the fickle field of pop culture. I got the maudling 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 ...very remimiscent of a Jaque Brel refrain next, next , next ( a queue in a dentist's reception).
I am probably being unfair here because by mixing poetry with vox humana, dirgy backgound noise and random clicks, whistles bells and flutes you have risked dimishing the impact of the one for the "serious" wish to be lauded ( or perhaps that, too, is unfair) for the rest. So, poetically, I cannot be swayed into eulogy. It's alright as far as it goes. I have no idea what it's about but that is my failing.
On to the "music" (?) part. I am familiar with the process of synth and mixer... you cannot go wrong if no one knows what is right so I am left with technicalities like balance, bandwidth, amplitude and clipping, equalisation, noise levels and overall suitability for purpose. All OK.
The title is "Audio poem to be taken seriously". As a title it gives very little away...but I am now going to say something I ought to regret but do not. The thing is, there is not a lot to give away, but I liked what there was.
Best,
tectak ( and by the way, I take all crit seriously, given or taken)

[Todd]

Hi Brother Swey, welcome to the site! Two quick things: Before you post in Serious you have to do an appropriate critique in the forum. You're also supposed to post only one poem per day in the critique forums. I'll move this to miscellaneous right now. Once you've done your critique in Serious, let me know and I'll move it back.