[working title]

[milemke08]

Ideas and memories, opinions and thought
all rolled together - a marvelous box,
we each have our own and our mouth is the lock.

Take the world in with your ears and your eyes,
let it all out with your screams and your cries.
A piece of advice from the old to the young,
think carefully with your mind and then hold your tongue.

---
I'm gonna be honest, I don't feel done with this poem. I know there is more to this subject, but this is as good as my creative juices get right now. Let me know what y'all think

[Jamie]

This is good. not sure about "box" or "think carefully with your mind". I think "mouth is the lock" is great. Rhythm is almost there, maybe lose "carefully". I dont think it needs too much work.

Jamie

[NakedBear]

Ideas and memories, opinions and thought
all rolled together - a marvelous box,
we each have our own and our mouth is the lock.

Take the world in with your ears and your eyes,
let it all out with your screams and your cries.
A piece of advice from the old to the young,
think carefully with your mind and then hold your tongue.

---
I'm gonna be honest, I don't feel done with this poem. I know there is more to this subject, but this is as good as my creative juices get right now. Let me know what y'all think

I think there's plenty more to say, for sure. For example, why would the old advise silence at all? Sounds like a story.

Style-wise, I don't think 'rolled' really works with the idea of the mind being a box. Maybe that line could be something,
"Tossed all together in a marvelous mind"

which seem a better description of my mind, at least

The last line could lose the word mind, since its necessity in thinking is obvious. So,

think carefully and hold your tongue

All in all, I'm interested in knowing the old man's reasons for his advice.

Mikey.