Lovely doll

[teddy864]

Lovely doll crying in the dark
with lovely voice screaming for the past
her lovely fingers tearing apart
her lovely but unbeating heart

Lovely doll dreaming for a life
and her lovely heart hoping just to love
with a lovely soul waiting for
the magic to come to her side

But the fairy did not come
and the magic is nowhere to be found
with unbeating heart and a deadened smile
a lovely doll is waiting

Lovely doll fearing the pain
with lovely eyes waiting for the rain
her lovely body dying all in vain
and only her hopes and dreams still remain

But the fairy did not come
and the magic is nowhere to be found
to save her from the loveless fate
to take her to a time that change

Lovely doll was silent in the night
with lovely heart shattered from the life
Because her deadly wish will never come true
so her lovely body was embraced in the shadow

[rowens]

This has potential. Something I want to look at again when I'm thinking right. The subject and the way you repeat things seem to be on to something. There are a few other things I want to say about this when my thoughts slow down a little.

[serge gurkski]

except for the very last word (which I find lame) I liked this. Not that that's not been said before, but - ya - you put it nicely. ,-)

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very nicely.

[teddy864]

except for the very last word (which I find lame) I liked this. Not that that's not been said before, but - ya - you put it nicely. ,-)

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very nicely.

Thank you for the comments and I've been really thinking a lot about the last word but this was the best one of them if you have any suggestions I would really appreciate your help

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This has potential. Something I want to look at again when I'm thinking right. The subject and the way you repeat things seem to be on to something. There are a few other things I want to say about this when my thoughts slow down a little.

Thank you. I hope you would have the time to share your opinion.

[rowens]

There are two poems, yours and another, that I still have my mind set on getting back to.

I'm trying to find the right tone from me that matches the tone that the subject of the poem has for me.

This poem reminds me of an atmosphere, and I'm trying to find that atmosphere so I can be in it.

I have complicated ways of doing things.

[newsclippings]

this may be a little too long

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and the repetition of lovely doesn't always work