Posts: 67
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The anchor lost, the boat's keel broke
upon the granite, splintered oak.You have chosen to leave this and I don't blsame you....but if you want strict crit you should have a stop after "broke" OR change "splintered" to splintering...Oh....I said that before. Sorry. It must be true!
why? I simply cannot understand what you think is wrong with ' splintered'
Posts: 497
Threads: 83
Joined: Dec 2012
well, now that this mariner's song has been babbled successfoolishly to death, why not on to something serious once more instead!
sigh
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(02-07-2013, 09:10 PM)Stalker Wrote: The anchor lost, the boat's keel broke
upon the granite, splintered oak.You have chosen to leave this and I don't blsame you....but if you want strict crit you should have a stop after "broke" OR change "splintered" to splintering...Oh....I said that before. Sorry. It must be true!
why? I simply cannot understand what you think is wrong with ' splintered'
It is gramatically uncertain.
1)The anchor lost, the boats keel broke upon the granite( granite becomes an adjective, describing how the oak was splintered, so ,"-" ) splintered oak. (but I don't like granite-splintered oak)
2) The anchor lost, the the boats keel broke. Upon the granite (was) splintered oak.
3) The anchor lost, the boats keel broke upon the granite, (so) splintering (the )oak.
but NOT :
4)The anchor lost, the boats keel broke upon the granite, splintered oak.
I think. It is subtle. Not really that important but it is serious crit.
Best,
tectak
(02-07-2013, 09:19 PM)serge gurkski Wrote: well, now that this mariner's song has been babbled successfoolishly to death, why not on to something serious once more instead!
sigh
Turds, par example?
Posts: 497
Threads: 83
Joined: Dec 2012
(02-08-2013, 12:13 AM)tectak Wrote: (02-07-2013, 09:10 PM)Stalker Wrote: The anchor lost, the boat's keel broke
upon the granite, splintered oak.You have chosen to leave this and I don't blsame you....but if you want strict crit you should have a stop after "broke" OR change "splintered" to splintering...Oh....I said that before. Sorry. It must be true!
why? I simply cannot understand what you think is wrong with ' splintered'
It is gramatically uncertain.
1)The anchor lost, the boats keel broke upon the granite( granite becomes an adjective, describing how the oak was splintered, so ,"-" ) splintered oak. (but I don't like granite-splintered oak)
2) The anchor lost, the the boats keel broke. Upon the granite (was) splintered oak.
3) The anchor lost, the boats keel broke upon the granite, (so) splintering (the )oak.
but NOT :
4)The anchor lost, the boats keel split upon the granite, splintered oak.
I think. It is subtle. Not really that important but it is serious crit.
Best,
tectak
(02-07-2013, 09:19 PM)serge gurkski Wrote: well, now that this mariner's song has been babbled successfoolishly to death, why not on to something serious once more instead!
sigh
Turds, par example?
If you really can not do without them, in heaven's name go for them.
I'd prefer fungi. ;-)
Posts: 5,057
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i added a dot after broke. and i seriously appreciate all the feedback given. thanks.
