(language warning) The Cherubic Misanthrope

[heslopian]

As a child I dreamt about slapping and hurting mum
the way dad never could, being more of a gentleman
than he or I would admit. The sluts and junkies
she mixed with made me hate women,
and when she'd lose her mind I'd wish her dead.
The Minotaur which sought Theseus had a cunt, I was sure.

My anger changed course growing up;
men were the enemy now, and I dreamt about hurting dad,
destroying his id with the legs of a chair.
The universe was dark, brightened only by rage
which tore through life like sentient fire,
cleansing and killing at once.

[billy]

i like how the poet implies he's cherubic apart from the two unneeded my's i have no nits jack. i think you gave it just enough to be narrative poetry. and me enough reason to keep on liking what you write. wish i could be more constructive with the feedback.

As a child I dreamt about slapping and hurting my mum who elses mum would she be?
the way dad never could, being more of a gentleman
than he or I would admit. The sluts and junkies
she mixed with made me hate women,
and when she'd lose her mind I'd wish her dead.
The Minotaur which sought Theseus had a cunt, I was sure. i think this and the id lines make it a poem everything else hangs on them. i do like implication of this line

My anger changed course growing up;
men were the enemy now, and I dreamt about hurting my dad, same here, is my needed?
destroying his id with the legs of a chair.
The universe was dark, brightened only by rage
which tore through life like sentient fire,
cleansing and killing at once.

[heslopian]

Thank you for your great feedback, Bilbo You're right, the two "my"s aren't needed, and I'll remove them once I've posted this.

[serge gurkski]

As a child I dreamt about slapping and hurting mum
the way dad never could, being more of a gentleman
than he or I would admit. The sluts and junkies
she mixed with made me hate women,
and when she'd lose her mind I'd wish her dead.
The Minotaur which sought Theseus had a cunt, I was sure.

My anger changed course growing up;
men were the enemy now, and I dreamt about hurting dad,
destroying his id with the legs of a chair.
The universe was dark, brightened only by rage
which tore through life like sentient fire,
cleansing and killing at once.

I read this 2 minutes after you posted it and felt at home. Not exactly cozy but familiar. I was surprised to learn you are not American (a style thing). To my inner ear this flows well. Content-wise I stumbled a bit- I think it best to show you how I read stanza 2:

L1 as written but then colon.
men are the enemy now, ...
L3: the universe is darkest (present tense).

Thank you for introducing Sarah Kane to me on your profile.

If this is poetry or narrative or wtf, it is a voice. Which is all that matters in my book.

cheers

serge

[heslopian]

I was surprised to learn you are not American

Is that a nice way of saying I'm vulgar?
Thank you for your kind and thoughtful feedback, gurski Could you please explain the tense problem in stanza two a bit more?

[serge gurkski]

No, I like vulgar. (and I love American poetry).

The tense: Yes. It sounds a bit to me like you put the emotions you evoked in stanza one to rest in stanza two by transferring them to a mythical past in stanza two (a time out of time) and I wonder how.

Is the universe now not dark anymore? How come? (That is not a critique).

cheers

serge

[heslopian]

Ah, I think I see what you mean. Using the past tense implies that closure's been achieved. I hadn't thought about that. And I wouldn't have minded if it was a critcism, gurski That's why I posted the poem in this forum.

[serge gurkski]

;-))))