Politically Speaking

[Hidrolic]

Politically speaking
Our voice as a people is continually weakening
The republic is dying
Elected officials speak truths but we know they're lying

Their means are self serving
To them big business is more deserving
The average man can't grasp these quotes
It's evident because they still believe in the process and continue to vote
Driven by propaganda and false hope

Democrats say Republicans are the worst
Republicans turn around and utter the same verse
It's a game of which side places the blame first

I've awoken to reality, I see it vividly
It's about love, dignity and personal liberty
To each his own, we shouldn't judge shouldn't cast a stone
unity is power we shouldn't stand alone

Politics wasn't meant to unite at all
If we keep choosing sides we'll devide and fall
Independent thinking, we need to revive that call

A revolution is brewing
The people starting to understand the shit that they're doing
Realizing there's no end to the dreams they're pursuing
Politicians are bought and our governments ruined

We fight wars in the name of peace
To bring democracy to lands where dictators preach
But in the end only hate is reached
All the while at home freedom ceased

It's on life support
I have faith but I'm losing hope
Wishing I could clean the world by using soap
Some forget the world by abusing dope
Life is funny but it's not an amusing joke

[rowens]

Basically you're making a series of important statements ending in rhymes. The problem is that it's so easily done, and so obvious that it doesn't give off any energy. It has no kick, no intensity. It leaves no lasting effect, and little effect while reading it.

On the other hand, it kind of emulates the voice of the people constantly weakening into a feeble, monotone near flatline.

But it doesn't really make that very obvious. It seems more like a rap than a poem. And behind that, you need personality and execution. But I can't hear you read it, so it doesn't work well, as I can see it.

[Mr. Shankly]

Yes, It really doesn't feel like poetry to me--but rather, a conversation between two upset persons, or perhaps slogans from protest signs sewn together to rhyme. My assessment would be that it sort of misses the mark on critiquing politics as well.

[Yelleryella123]

I am sorry but I don't feel these are unique thoughts that have been conjured out of deep contemplation.. It sounds like a compilation of lines I have read and heard before in the new-world movement. Some of the ideas are contradicting, specifically individualism, free thinking vs unity. The poem lacks authenticity because it lacks your emotion and your unique voice. I'd like to hear something from your soul.. something raw and honest. Perhaps you can focus on one idea in your poem and put your own spin on it, express how it makes you feel.

"Elected officials speak truths but we know they're lying"
Not all elected officials are lying, there are people working for the truth in parliament/government.

Try not to get sucked into the bubble of people who are anti-government without knowing very much about it. These are people who engage in reductionism and seem to draw their conclusions from conversations rather than thorough personal research and self-education.
I used to be one of these people. I was incredibly anti-government but my views were more of a regurgitation of other peoples conclusions than my own. I didn't have many unique thoughts on the subject because the truth is, I didn't know very much about government and how it worked. I see photos all over the internet that say things like, "Capitalism, bringing you lower quality and fewer choices since the 16th century."
It is not that simple.

[billy]

the rhyme scheme if you have one is very slipshod, it would work better with some kind of consistent format. or at least a consistent. rhyme pattern. the clichés that make the poem feel to preachy, or maybe that's the wrong word, it's too soap box to hold the reader. we've heard it all before in many different way. it does have a rappy aura about it but the words don't suite the style.

Politically speaking
Our voice as a people is continually weakening
The republic is dying
Elected officials speak truths but we know they're lying

Their means are self serving
To them big business is more deserving
The average man can't grasp these quotes
It's evident because they still believe in the process and continue to vote
Driven by propaganda and false hope

Democrats say Republicans are the worst
Republicans turn around and utter the same verse
It's a game of which side places the blame first

I've awoken to reality, I see it vividly
It's about love, dignity and personal liberty
To each his own, we shouldn't judge shouldn't cast a stone
unity is power we shouldn't stand alone

Politics wasn't meant to unite at all
If we keep choosing sides we'll devide and fall
Independent thinking, we need to revive that call

A revolution is brewing
The people starting to understand the shit that they're doing
Realizing there's no end to the dreams they're pursuing
Politicians are bought and our governments ruined

We fight wars in the name of peace
To bring democracy to lands where dictators preach
But in the end only hate is reached
All the while at home freedom ceased

It's on life support
I have faith but I'm losing hope
Wishing I could clean the world by using soap
Some forget the world by abusing dope
Life is funny but it's not an amusing joke

[dooces]

while i found no struggle to identify with your intentions, i found it a struggle to read fluidly. lines such as:

It's evident because they still believe in the process and continue to vote

caused pause, as i couldn't continue without mentally trying to rephrase this line in a less verbose manner.

my apologies for not being able to offer anything more constructive.