My Wife
#1
Hey guys and gals. This is my first post so I hope you like it. I know my style is different and it's usually not too accepted in the poetry circle but I'll give it a shot anyway.


My wife
My life
My Queen
My living reality manifested from a dream
I pinch myself and I feel, so it's real

As surreal as it seems
She's mine
Beautiful
Divine
Sexy, classy, she fine

I looked and I searched and I found
A perfect companion to share my crown
A King on my own but she holds me down
How to be a good man yea she showed me how
This bond is forever
We’re never lonely now

I’m her man she’s my girl
She’s my life I’m her world
My everything
My past, my forever more
My Yoko Ono
My Lenore

She’s my addiction
No cure for her love
I need more of her drug
There’s no prescription

Eternal love it can’t be parted by death
Leave my soul, leave my flesh
For my love, please replace my breath
As long as my lady survives I’ll rise from the place I rest
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#2
This is gooooood. I like your style.
My favorite part :

I’m her man she’s my girl
She’s my life I’m her world
My everything
My past, my forever more
My Yoko Ono
My Lenore


Once you got to the last 2 lines my heart melted. You had me at Yoko Ono, My Lenore sealed the deal.

She’s my addiction
No cure for her love
There’s no prescription


Another line there would be awesome, I think. The first 2 stanzas got me really into it. The way you placed yours words, I feel like I got the flow right away while I was reading it the first time, really quick - I wanted to know the whole poem from the first stanza.
I'm a sucker for this poem. Great job
"What we observe is not nature itself, but nature exposed to our method of questioning" - Werner Karl Heisenber
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#3
(01-27-2013, 06:03 PM)Yelleryella123 Wrote:  This is gooooood. I like your style.
My favorite part :

I’m her man she’s my girl
She’s my life I’m her world
My everything
My past, my forever more
My Yoko Ono
My Lenore


Once you got to the last 2 lines my heart melted. You had me at Yoko Ono, My Lenore sealed the deal.

She’s my addiction
No cure for her love
There’s no prescription


Another line there would be awesome, I think. The first 2 stanzas got me really into it. The way you placed yours words, I feel like I got the flow right away while I was reading it the first time, really quick - I wanted to know the whole poem from the first stanza.
I'm a sucker for this poem. Great job

Thanks for reading and I'm happy you like it.

(01-27-2013, 07:17 PM)Joatmon Wrote:  Full of feeling and as a married man I like this poem.
A couple of niggles about the last stanza. I feel in L1 "part" should be "parted"
In the last line of the poem I feel "survive" should be "survives".

Thanks for reading and thanks for the suggestions, I will correct it.

(01-27-2013, 10:18 PM)Whiskurz Wrote:  I think your style is different but poetic just the same.....Well penned my friend....Whisk

That means a lot, thanks for reading
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