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Apparently this form is called Nonet (1st line 9 syllables decreasing down to line 9 with just 1 syllable...then i reversed it just because).
Refresh me with apples.
Like an apple tree, my fine lover.
A billowing love banner blush
A blanket of confetti.
He supports and shades me.
I partake of his,
laid out banquet.
Refreshed,
I
faint.
Crushed fruit,
a felled tree.
Lumber harvest.
The logos logged fuel.
Distilled aromatics.
An outstanding apple tree.
Fragrance filled, alabaster jar,
broken, but not stumped – a new tree grows.
(I know...not much to recommend, the text is predictably boring. Just like experimenting with new forms)
I have to think about the form some more.
"I partake of his" doesn't need the comma. That is the only problem I noticed.
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(01-21-2013, 01:07 AM)rowens Wrote: I have to think about the form some more.
"I partake of his" doesn't need the comma. That is the only problem I noticed.
Thanks for that Rowena, I will take it out.
That might be one of the loveliest ways anyone's ever spelled my name.
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Hey AJ,
This seems like a fun form to try and I like that you reversed it. I have to admit that I don't think the text is boring at all. You have some amazing images:
"A blanket of confetti."----my favorite
"Fragrance filled, alabaster jar,
broken, but not stumped – a new tree grows."
I like what you did here. A very smooth and nice connection.
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Just to clarify, it's spelt as nonnet not nonet.
Back!
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(01-21-2013, 01:08 PM)brandontoh Wrote: Just to clarify, it's spelt as nonnet not nonet.
actually... erm... it's nonet, from the Italian "group of nine". It's spelled "nonnet" on Wikipedia, but *very occasionally*, Wikipedia is not entirely correct 
It could be worse
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(01-21-2013, 01:15 PM)Leanne Wrote: (01-21-2013, 01:08 PM)brandontoh Wrote: Just to clarify, it's spelt as nonnet not nonet.
actually... erm... it's nonet, from the Italian "group of nine". It's spelled "nonnet" on Wikipedia, but *very occasionally*, Wikipedia is not entirely correct
Darn, now I feel embarrassed. I've always thought that nonet is more music related.
Back!
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(01-21-2013, 06:12 AM)rowens Wrote: That might be one of the loveliest ways anyone's ever spelled my name.
Sorry about that  ....posted late last night on my kindle
(01-21-2013, 01:19 PM)brandontoh Wrote: (01-21-2013, 01:15 PM)Leanne Wrote: (01-21-2013, 01:08 PM)brandontoh Wrote: Just to clarify, it's spelt as nonnet not nonet.
actually... erm... it's nonet, from the Italian "group of nine". It's spelled "nonnet" on Wikipedia, but *very occasionally*, Wikipedia is not entirely correct
Darn, now I feel embarrassed. I've always thought that nonet is more music related.
I think it has music and computer based usage...I looked at Wikipedia whilst searching for a new form to play with...It gave me both names and I was then confused as to which I should use....I spend a lot of time being confused and embarrassed on this site.
Thanks for the comments Ash.
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(01-20-2013, 06:35 PM)cidermaid Wrote: Apparently this form is called Nonet (1st line 9 syllables decreasing down to line 9 with just 1 syllable...then i reversed it just because).
Refresh me with apples.
Like an apple tree, my fine lover. Could you switch these clauses? As it is this line feels like truncated dialogue. I didn't realise until I'd read the poem once that the narrator's comparing her lover to an apple tree.
A billowing love banner blush
A blanket of confetti.
He supports and shades me.
I partake of his, Why is there a comma here?
laid out banquet.
Refreshed,
I
faint. I kind of like how "I" and "faint" each have their own lines. It gives the impression of falling, which of course one does while fainting.
Crushed fruit,
a felled tree.
Lumber harvest.
The logos logged fuel.
Distilled aromatics.
An outstanding apple tree.
Fragrance filled, alabaster jar,
broken, but not stumped – a new tree grows.
(I know...not much to recommend, the text is predictably boring. Just like experimenting with new forms)
You have some good stuff here, but there isn't a natural rhythm. Rather it feels like a slideshow of poetic images. The images are good, they just don't have a unifying flow. JMHO, of course. Thank you for the read 
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe
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Hi Heslopian,
Thanks for the comments. Good catch on the comma not noticed that one.
I think you are right about the flow. Prob won't work on this for some time, I just wrote something to get me going again, but appreciate the encouragment so perhaps one day i will whip it out of knickers and have another bash at it.
AJ
(sorry that sounds needlssly crude...family saying having spent too long reading Goldilocks and the three little pigs...the maidens' eyelid flickers!)
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