A Leg Man

[Fathima]

You can't love a covered woman, he declared
Because you can't see much through her, he blared

Then he called her a black sloth and told her to go back to her clan
When he got up to leave he said, 'You see, I'm a leg man! '

I thought that was funny
But soon, I found myself crying

For the thing called 'the heart' is now long gone with time
Since he only seemed to care for that body part of mine

[Arriedo]

idk how to think of this. funny at the start then comes to shocking end. I like how the third stanza doesnt rhyme makes the last stanza that more sad.

[BennyBoy]

I like this! It's weird.

[arbil_poieo]

Hey Fathima,
The 3rd stanza sticks out, but I think that's the point. It made me really pay attention to it because of it not rhyming then the last stanza goes back to rhyming. Usually it would be disruptive, but for me it added something to this. It quickly changed the mood from humor to the girl finding it insulting and not funny and the 3rd stanza served as like a pause before the sense of clarity from her.

I really like the originality, but my one nit would be the lack of punctuation in the last 4 lines. I enjoyed the read very much.

[Fathima]

Hi,

Thank you all for your comments. I did intend to write something that may seem humorous but that was actually serious. I'm glad that this came through...

I have added punctuation. I hope this is better.

"You can't love a covered woman," he declared.
"Because you can't see much through her," he blared.

Then he called her a black sloth and told her to go back to her clan.
When he got up to leave he said, 'You see, I'm a leg man! '

I thought that was funny.
But soon, I found myself crying.

For the thing called 'the heart' is now long gone with time.
Since he only seemed to care for that body part of mine .

[arbil_poieo]

Hey Fathima,
It looks good and it came through really well.

[earlymorningnoises]

I find the perspective interesting. The simplicity of the poem makes the emotion of the subject/narrator easier to grasp. You could write for days about rejected for appearences, but it i think the poet captured the brevity of the situation.