I may never

[Leakysoul89]

I may never glimpse your glow again
Or watch your hair do war with wind
So memories please never leave
I’ve lost her once but twice as deep,
I may never feel the world is mine
Like when you'd smile and shut off time
From time to time we Lived in bliss
In natures gardens far from him.
Our planted seed had never grown
The light had yet to reach its dome
The lack of water made it growl
And secrets made it stop and howl
My heart is shattered, cruel is life
I thought i stumbled upon my wife
So anxiously i fought for us
While you already had on cuffs
And I may never know, why you lied
Or how many teardrops i have cried
But yet i know it was a lie
I wish my ignorance survived
My feelings void inside her eyes
I may never love again for life.

[rowens]

The first two lines are O.K., the glimpse/glow effect is kind of crude sounding; but that's just how I feel. And you might want a period.

I may never glimpse your glow again
Or watch your hair do war with wind.

Some more punctuation adjustment. I think you mean she's lost even deeper this time, right?

So memories please never leave;
I’ve lost her once but twice as deep.

You want the "L" in "Lived" for emphasis? Maybe italics? Possessive "nature's". I'll assume "him" is another man? I'm still giving punctuation suggestions till the end.

I may never feel the world is mine
Like when you'd smile and shut off time.
From time to time we Lived in bliss,
In nature's gardens far from him.

Our planted seed had never grown
The light had yet to reach its dome.
The lack of water made it growl
And secrets made it stop and howl.
My heart is shattered, cruel is life;

You rarely spell "I" uppercase, unless it's the first letter of a line; though you have in "And I may never know, why you lied", so I'll fix the others.

I thought I stumbled upon my wife.
So anxiously I fought for us,
While you already had on cuffs.
And I may never know why you lied,
Or how many teardrops I have cried;

Are you sure you want "But" and "yet"? It might work here.---The last few lines need more attention, I think. They start to sound very choppy in structure, and forced. At the same time, I like how they force you to read them at a faster tempo; but that's part of the effect from the periods I stuck in, having the short sentences back to back as they lead to the end.

But yet I know it was a lie.
I wish my ignorance survived.
My feelings void inside her eyes.
I may never love again for life.

There is a lot here that could be smoothed out, and hopefully others can give some more suggestions.

---

I left the lines:

Our planted seed had never grown
The light had yet to reach its dome.

without a comma; some people simply use the line breaks, and there's no reason to leave the punctuation marks as I put them. You can switch them around if I messed up the flow and phrasing you were going for.

[billy]

hi leaky,
first off, decide if you want rhyme on non rhymed lines and stick with what you chose. you have some good alliteration in places, because it's trying hard to be a rhymed poem, i think you should try and find a constant meter it will help the flow of the poem no end. strip out all the parts of the poem that have already been said or intimated at in the poem elsewhere. and watch out for those clichés if you can. i've pointed out some pretty bad ones. think original think less is more.

good effort.

I may never glimpse your glow again
Or watch your hair do war with wind good two opening lines. nice g's and w's
So memories please never leave
I’ve lost her once but twice as deep, this and the line above are both awkward to read.
I may never feel the world is mine
Like when you'd smile and shut off time
From time to time we Lived in bliss
In natures gardens far from him.
Our planted seed had never grown
The light had yet to reach its dome
The lack of water made it growl
And secrets made it stop and howl
My heart is shattered, cruel is life
I thought i stumbled upon my wife
So anxiously i fought for us
While you already had on cuffs
And I may never know, why you lied
Or how many teardrops i have cried very cliche
But yet i know it was a lie and here
I wish my ignorance survived
My feelings void inside her eyes
I may never love again for life. and here

[monablackbird]

Lots of haunting emotion here and it takes courage to put that into the world. So already, well done. Reminds me of a friend of mine who's living through something like this. Anyway, yes there are some cliches here. And the problem thing with cliches is not the emotion itself that's being conveyed but *how* it's being conveyed. Think about ways to say someone cried a lot without the word tears and see what you can come up with. I know it's hard to bypass emotions (if this is coming from you personally which I certainly don't want to assume) and polish something up so it might even do you better to put it away for a while and tend to it later. Then again, you may find you don't need it anymore. All the best and keep writing!