Relatively Unmoved

[Stalker]

Over-awed by my brilliance,
he wanted to do-me anyway,
so he did-me. A kind of
over-choreographed diddling doing
which I allowed.

Following assumption,
during his late post-coital
telephone conversation,
in which my stilted cool
mismatched (unexpected and unwelcome) familiarity
he explained;
‘I haven’t called sooner
I was at the gym’.
Further,
he had noticed he was heavy lying on me,
I would like it better
If he reduced.

Surely, the imbalance
we suffered
intellect to corpulence
could not possibly be redressed
through diet and exercise alone?

[serge gurkski]

;-)

Following assumption,
during his late post-coital <<--- a wild assumption. ;-)
telephone conversation,
in which my stilted cool
mismatched (unexpected and unwelcome) familiarity << was not unwelcome


Cute poem I dig.

Cheers
serrshhhhhhhhhh

[Stalker]

Hi Stalker, You might say "fuck me" rather than do-me (where did that hypen come from?) Must agree with Serge, this is cute.
Heart

Thanks so much for that endorsement- I might indeed say 'fuck me'. I was spurred into the do-me thing by Gurskis 'Apart', and base the whole endeavor on my craving to write do-me with a hyphen.

luckily, for now at least, that craving has been satisifed, for sure it was a tad silly.

I do think do-me sounds a bit more detatched and un-encouraged than some of the alternates though - likely wont make it into chambers or even become a scrabble word - sigh.

[serge gurkski]

but the dash was not by me and I refuse to accept my text inspired you to use it. ;-)
If you had the extreme kindness to allow me to quote myself in order to present written proof for the dashlessness of said and may I dare to say misquoted by you phrase I used:

Please, do me as you like. ;-)

whatever

[Stalker]

but the dash was not by me and I refuse to accept my text inspired you to use it. ;-)
If you had the extreme kindness to allow me to quote myself in order to present written proof for the dashlessness of said and may I dare to say misquoted by you phrase I used:

Please, do me as you like. ;-)

whatever

I concur dear serrsh - the dash was all my own do-ing, a linguistic experiment aimed at creating a sense of urgency towards the act.

[serge gurkski]

I better shut up in public (which is - as you know - not easy for me. ;-)

I really dig the title of this, but must - arrogant as I am and you know me -state, that I prefer my version of what you are trying to express here somewhat convincingly, namely:

"I am almost impressed."

[Stalker]

I better shut up in public (which is - as you know - not easy for me. ;-)

I really dig the title of this, but must - arrogant as I am and you know me -state, that I prefer my version of what you are trying to express here somewhat convincingly, namely:

"I am almost impressed."

Gurksta - I look forward to a day when you do not prefer your own version - I will not hold my breath... ;-) For myself, of course, I love all your versions.

am I acquainted with

I am almost impressed?

Funnily enough I notice, thorough this throw away little dittie, that this is a bad attitude in me, and, shame, perhaps my lack of seriousness could affect a person, can't believe that thought has not crossed my mind previously, for the life of me I am not sure when though.

Is that why we write these stories?

[serge gurkski]

I better shut up in public (which is - as you know - not easy for me. ;-)

I really dig the title of this, but must - arrogant as I am and you know me -state, that I prefer my version of what you are trying to express here somewhat convincingly, namely:

"I am almost impressed."

Gurksta - I look forward to a day when you do not prefer your own version - I will not hold my breath... ;-) For myself, of course, I love all your versions.

am I acquainted with

I am almost impressed?

Funnily enough I notice, thorough this throw away little dittie, that this is a bad attitude in me, and, shame, perhaps my lack of seriousness could affect a person, can't believe that thought has not crossed my mind previously, for the life of me I am not sure when though.

Is that why we write these stories?

There is a song title by the good ole Faces: "Maybe I'm amazed". I find that even better than your or my versions. It is not exactly the same of course. Anyway, I hope you know that I was only kidding above. ;-)

[Stalker]

I better shut up in public (which is - as you know - not easy for me. ;-)

I really dig the title of this, but must - arrogant as I am and you know me -state, that I prefer my version of what you are trying to express here somewhat convincingly, namely:

"I am almost impressed."

Gurksta - I look forward to a day when you do not prefer your own version - I will not hold my breath... ;-) For myself, of course, I love all your versions.

am I acquainted with

I am almost impressed?

Funnily enough I notice, thorough this throw away little dittie, that this is a bad attitude in me, and, shame, perhaps my lack of seriousness could affect a person, can't believe that thought has not crossed my mind previously, for the life of me I am not sure when though.

Is that why we write these stories?

There is a song title by the good ole Faces: "Maybe I'm amazed". I find that even better than your or my versions. It is not exactly the same of course. Anyway, I hope you know that I was only kidding above. ;-)

Yaller Serge - kidding is as kidding does-me.

[tectak]

Over-awed by my brilliance,
he wanted to do-me anyway,It seems that you have a quirk! No one likes this except you. I do not. It adds nothing. A hyphen links two words which deconstruct into nonsense without it. Also, to over-awe and to over-choreograph in the same stanza is over-much.
so he did-me. A kind of
over-choreographed diddling doingI know you have words so this becomes an Unwinism, Stanley
which I allowed.

Following assumption,
during his late post-coital
telephone conversation,
in which my stilted cool
mismatched (unexpected and unwelcome) familiarity
he explained; The foregoing does not conform to any grammatical construct that I am aware of and so for me, it is nonsense. Is that what you wanted? If so...result
‘I haven’t called soonerDidn't....unless deliberately incorrect; in which case why not " I isn't call sooner"
I was at the gym’.
Further,
he had noticed he was heavy lying on me,
I would like it better
If he reduced.

Surely, the imbalance
we suffered
intellect to corpulence
could not possibly be redressed
through diet and exercise alone?Punctuate this stanza in to sense

It does nothing for me but others may see what I do not. This is my last crit for a while. Probably just as well
Best,
and thanks for your postings on mine,
tectak

[Stalker]

Over-awed by my brilliance,
he wanted to do-me anyway,It seems that you have a quirk! No one likes this except you. I do not. It adds nothing. A hyphen links two words which deconstruct into nonsense without it. Also, to over-awe and to over-choreograph in the same stanza is over-much.
so he did-me. A kind of
over-choreographed diddling doingI know you have words so this becomes an Unwinism, Stanley
which I allowed.

Following assumption,
during his late post-coital
telephone conversation,
in which my stilted cool
mismatched (unexpected and unwelcome) familiarity
he explained; The foregoing does not conform to any grammatical construct that I am aware of and so for me, it is nonsense. Is that what you wanted? If so...result
‘I haven’t called soonerDidn't....unless deliberately incorrect; in which case why not " I isn't call sooner"
I was at the gym’.
Further,
he had noticed he was heavy lying on me,
I would like it better
If he reduced.

Surely, the imbalance
we suffered
intellect to corpulence
could not possibly be redressed
through diet and exercise alone?Punctuate this stanza in to sense

It does nothing for me but others may see what I do not. This is my last crit for a while. Probably just as well
Best,
and thanks for your postings on mine,
tectak

and thanks right back at ya - probably I have more than one quirk.

Aside from our stylistic differences, I am really struggling to understand your objection to

I haven't called sooner

I think i am done now with gratitutious hyphens - although I may still use them where appropriate. I have got it out of my system so to say. (secretly itching to start on a double hyphenated 3 word extravanganza)