"A Memorial for the Malevolent"

[rEVOLVEr]

"Who better to judge the heartless many
than an artist who, himself, has killed plenty.."

With a fickle flick of the match,
I plan to introduce a spark
to the wick of the sadistic;
& through the art of violence,
reveal your true colors ...
Showing the world that they are
A grey-scale.

Dull, Plain, & Pale

Not much else flows through your veins
than a velvet river of deceitful vanity.
Vindictive virtues of violence
and the vendetta victory ..

Weather approaches now, of the malicious kind.
raining sky-born gunfire..
A doomsday downpour of daisy-cutters
From a war-torn cloud nine.

How appropriate.

This is the perfect weather.
This is the perfect time,
for me to paint your portrait
appropriately illustrating you & your kind.

It is here that the menace lay waste
to the reign of the merciful Mona Lisa.
In this dungeon, some would believe,
to be the concept of construction
by Da-Vinci himself, was conceived ...

So - I beg you - stop struggling
You are my latest inspiration ..
Prepped and ready for torture..
Not to worry .. My weapon of choice
is a paintbrush.
No sword has shown such horror.

Try to ignore the audience of my canvas ...
This will be painful - but endure as a man
NEVER A COWARD
My art takes time..
this may take hours..

.........

Behold, the beauty and bloodshed behind
the anarchy eating the heart of the
artist inside..

I am the architect who planned this majestic
memorial to more appropriately
immortalize your multiple mistakes
born from a mind of
malevolence & cruelty..

You have failed a life of honesty ..
Not caring for your children
Nor kissing your wife honestly..

Understand, the moment your souls color
dimmed to a deep grey,
and your humanity slowly diminished;
like the waves of a receding tide ...

Realize!

The thirst of my canvas,
much like the sword of Rembrandt,
will never remain satisfied..

And now I add you to the list of names
ever-growing, yet silent with submission.
My most precious painting;
my masterpiece ...
my latest edition.

[benthejack]

Spectacular intro. The poem's content is fantastic, I really enjoyed it. The end was a bit of an anticlimax though.

I'll have a bit of a think about it before giving more pointed critique, but in the meantime I might comment that although I throughly enjoyed the poem, it seemed fairly inconsistant (but it could just be that I dont see the structural logic, being new to this poetry business myself). Each stanza or group of a couple of stanzas had their own distinct flavour, and the punctuation lines (which were great by the way) came at seemingly random and sporadic times. maybe if the content was more carefully arranged the arrangement itself would give even more weight to the poem.

Cheers for the thought massage!
Ben

[tectak]

"Who better to judge the heartless many
than an artist who, himself, has killed plenty.."

With a fickle flick of the match,
I plan to introduce a spark
to the wick of the sadistic;a temptingly curious opener. I am hooked
& through the art of violence,
reveal your true colors ...
Showing the world that they are
A grey-scale.somehow a true colour being expressed as a grey scale doesn't come off

Dull, Plain, & PaleI know what a grey scad is

Not much else flows through your veins
than a velvet river of deceitful vanity.
Vindictive virtues of violence
and the vendetta victory ..an avalanche of alliteration adversely affects ......

Weather approaches now, of the malicious kind.
raining sky-born gunfire..
A doomsday downpour of daisy-cutters
From a war-torn cloud nine. Syntax, capitals: grammar

How appropriate.

This is the perfect weather.
This is the perfect time,What for is this comma for
for me to paint your portrait
appropriately illustrating you & your kind.

It is here that the menace lay waste
to the reign of the merciful Mona Lisa.
In this dungeon, some would believe,
to be the concept of construction
by Da-Vinci himself, was conceived ...Now you've lost me. I am getting tired

So - I beg you - stop struggling
You are my latest inspiration ..
Prepped and ready for torture..
Not to worry .. My weapon of choice
is a paintbrush.
No sword has shown such horror.

Try to ignore the audience of my canvas ...Now I am not being sarcastic, but is there another poem starting about now
This will be painful - but endure as a man
NEVER A COWARD
My art takes time..
this may take hours..

.........

Behold, the beauty and bloodshed behind
the anarchy eating the heart of the
artist inside..

I am the architect who planned this majestic
memorial to more appropriately
immortalize your multiple mistakes
born from a mind of
malevolence & cruelty..

You have failed a life of honesty ..
Not caring for your children
Nor kissing your wife honestly..

Understand, the moment your souls color
dimmed to a deep grey,
and your humanity slowly diminished;
like the waves of a receding tide ...

Realize!

OK. Curate's egg....but parts of it are quite bad,too.
There is a burgeoning of the wordy wishing in this. I got very lost in the jungle of words and became desperate to find a clearing. I could, however, see glimpses of light through the canopy but only because I looked up. Slash and burn needed I think.
On the plus side you link your imaging very directly to your words when describing cameos. I would very much like to read a shorter, more decisive piece from you.
Oh, god. Sorry. It looks as if there is more below. I didn't see it below my tablet keyboard. Pehaps I should have read the ending first to see how it turned out
Best,
tectak

The thirst of my canvas,
much like the sword of Rembrandt,
will never remain satisfied..

And now I add you to the list of names
ever-growing, yet silent with submission.
My most precious painting;
my masterpiece ...
my latest edition.