Senryu I think

[cidermaid]

These two sort of go together. (originally written to go with Haibun, but i'm interested to see if they stand up on thier own)



Forward facing eyes. A conquest hardened vision. A moveable feast.

Loving, liquid eyes. Love’s carriage – the wings of a dove. Coming home to roost.

[billy]

These two sort of go together. (originally written to go with Haibun, but i'm interested to see if they stand up on thier own)



Forward facing eyes. A conquest hardened vision. A moveable feast.

Loving, liquid eyes. Love’s carriage – the wings of a dove. Coming home to roost.

Forward facing eyes.
A conquest hardened vision. not sure how to read this line? should there be a comma after conquest?
A moveable feast.

very predatorish.

Loving, liquid eyes.
Love’s carriage – the wings of a dove.
Coming home to roost. i'm possibly trying to hard to see the symbolism that i'm losing the image.

[cidermaid]

Ok... (strike two for the cidermaid) In my book I've failed if i need to add notes. (So i guess the answer is no they don't stand alone without the Haibun).


It's a bit pointless and probably very boring... but just to give the poems some explanation.
It is yet another dappy SoS poem...I know enough already of these....
The Haibun / original scripture is to do with the difference with David the hunter and Solomon the man of peace. hence hawks and doves. david roamed the land, with lots of buckling his swash and blood guts and gore and because of the blood on his hands wasn't allowed to build the temple. Solomon swanned around living off the ill-gotten gains of his father and wrote lots of poetry with his pretty boy hands...and was allowed to build the temple...which became the home of the heart of Isreal.