Posts: 11
Threads: 9
Joined: Nov 2012
Love is not dismayed
I love her this much. There is no "this" much
Time has beheld that which no fallacy can display
The power of it encompasseth the entirety
of worldly phenomenon. Love not allayed
flies on to higher skies, and higher heights
and it is very nice to be "in love" these days
A love that knows no boundaries
Share!
PS, my first post here, so if this is in the wrong place, please let me know.
probably "mild critique" would be a better place.
'I love her this much. There is no "this" much
Time has beheld that which no fallacy can display
The power of it encompasseth the entirety...'
Where are the periods supposed to be? (Periods can't contain the sentences?). Is 'Time' uppercase because it's a new sentence, so the sentence-thoughts are "Time has beheld that which no fallacy can display. The power of it encompasseth the entirety of worldly phenomenon."? 'Phenomenon' feels fine, it assumes all that's of the world as a whole.
And the logic is that time, or Time, is ever present, past and present and future, and has a power that can't judge what happens. So there are no true mistakes, and no true love; all is now. To feel things, to think things, to do things. Nothing has the power to make you not feel and experience love. Who cares if love doesn't exist: it is made to exist by people, when they share this thing called 'love'.
And there might be the idea: Love is not dis-made.
it gets very wordy-fancy sounding. but it can be understood.
Posts: 11
Threads: 9
Joined: Nov 2012
(11-12-2012, 03:32 AM)rowens Wrote: probably "mild critique" would be a better place.
'I love her this much. There is no "this" much
Time has beheld that which no fallacy can display
The power of it encompasseth the entirety...'
Where are the periods supposed to be? (Periods can't contain the sentences?). Is 'Time' uppercase because it's a new sentence, so the sentence-thoughts are "Time has beheld that which no fallacy can display. The power of it encompasseth the entirety of worldly phenomenon."? 'Phenomenon' feels fine, it assumes all that's of the world as a whole.
And the logic is that time, or Time, is ever present, past and present and future, and has a power that can't judge what happens. So there are no true mistakes, and no true love; all is now. To feel things, to think things, to do things. Nothing has the power to make you not feel and experience love. Who cares if love doesn't exist: it is made to exist by people, when they share this thing called 'love'.
And there might be the idea: Love is not dis-made.
it gets very wordy-fancy sounding. but it can be understood.
Thanks for the critique and for moving the post.
It may not be correct of me, but I seldom use a period at the end of the poem line, and I tend to only use a Capital on the first word of the next line to show it is a new sentence.
Yes, I did mean the entirety of the world.
Now for the logic. I agree on the time thing in a way, but it may be that time itself is also a mental construct. It could be that love is the ultimate creative force, but that is not the same as the love we create and share.
Interesting thoughts. It may well be that love cannot be dismayed or dis-made.
Posts: 39
Threads: 7
Joined: Nov 2012
Just curious why you used the 3rd person singular Old English th-ending on one of the 3rd person singular verbs? Is there a reason? It seems out of place...
Posts: 11
Threads: 9
Joined: Nov 2012
I don't think it makes any difference to the meaning. It's the first word that came to mind. No other special reason.
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
(11-12-2012, 02:01 AM)Mayflow Wrote: Love is not dismayed
I love her this much. There is no "this" much would splitting this into two lines help the 2nd part stand out more, it could even be italicised?
Time has beheld that which no fallacy can display
The power of it encompasseth the entirety sounds out of step, it feels like a modern language poem, encompasses would work better.
of worldly phenomenon. Love not allayed
flies on to higher skies, and higher heights
and it is very nice to be "in love" these days i really like the simplicity of this line and flow of it
A love that knows no boundaries
Share!
PS, my first post here, so if this is in the wrong place, please let me know.
i get nice twinges of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's, How do I love thee, though see it's not meant too (i'm an old romantic
)
it reads well but i wonder if an odd image would give it more depth.
thanks for the read
Posts: 11
Threads: 9
Joined: Nov 2012
Love is not dismayed
I love her this much
There is no "this" much
Time has beheld that which no fallacy can display
The power of it encompasses the entirety
of worldly phenomenon
Love not allayed
flies on to higher skies,
and higher heights
and it is very nice to be "in love" these days
A love that knows no boundaries
Yes, I like this a little bit better. The imagery addition is a possibility I will keep in mind... maybe something to do with comparing the awesomeness of the sun and a golden butterfly or the infinities of boundless space with the deep blue ocean as a sort of thing relating to the infinities of love with the depths of the human psyche/subconscious?
