These Boots

[Keith]

Bring me a brain
pour me some ox blood,
these boots need a shine tonight

Find me a motor
make sure it’s nicked,
these boots leave no prints tonight

Fetch me a street plan,
tell them were to meet,
these boots need to think tonight

Look me in the eye,
say that again,
these boots need to stamp tonight

Shout my battle cry,
chase the angry mob,
these boots need to kick tonight

Bang on the cell door,
rage through the bars,
these boots have no laces tonight

[billy]

i'll come back to this after my bath

[just mercedes]

Boil me my brain
And pour me some ox blood,
These boots need a shine tonight I've used brains and oxblood on a rammed earth floor, to seal and polish it - so I guess it works on leather

Bring round the motor
And make sure it’s nicked,
These boots won’t leave prints tonight

Fetch me a tool
And tell them were to meet, where, or we're?
These boots need some brains tonight

Look me in the eye
And say that again,
These boot need to stamp tonight

Scream my battle cry all the other instructions have been to others
And do some fackin damage, fackin'
These boots fight our war tonight

Bang on the cell door
And rage through the bars,
These boots have no laces tonight

I like the description of gang warfare through attention to the boots; the whole journey, from preparation to prison cell.

Personally I find that capital letters on every line hold up the flow of the poem when I'm reading - I'd rather see them at the start of a sentence only. I think you need a period at the end of each stanza.

Even though the Narrator refers obliquely to suicide in the final line, I don't think he's really upset - it seems more like what usually happens somehow.

This was a different read for me! Thanks.

[Keith]

Boil me my brain
And pour me some ox blood,
These boots need a shine tonight I've used brains and oxblood on a rammed earth floor, to seal and polish it - so I guess it works on leather

Bring round the motor
And make sure it’s nicked,
These boots won’t leave prints tonight

Fetch me a tool
And tell them were to meet, where, or we're?
These boots need some brains tonight

Look me in the eye
And say that again,
These boot need to stamp tonight

Scream my battle cry all the other instructions have been to others
And do some fackin damage, fackin'
These boots fight our war tonight

Bang on the cell door
And rage through the bars,
These boots have no laces tonight

I like the description of gang warfare through attention to the boots; the whole journey, from preparation to prison cell.

Personally I find that capital letters on every line hold up the flow of the poem when I'm reading - I'd rather see them at the start of a sentence only. I think you need a period at the end of each stanza.

Even though the Narrator refers obliquely to suicide in the final line, I don't think he's really upset - it seems more like what usually happens somehow.

This was a different read for me! Thanks.

I hate capitals, I will sort out the And's and the Where, Fakin would be said this way if you were from the London area and the boots have no laces because the police took them, as they do, no reference to suicide, he's too mad for that. I will change to "Scream me my battle cry", Many thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

[just mercedes]

Boil me my brain
And pour me some ox blood,
These boots need a shine tonight I've used brains and oxblood on a rammed earth floor, to seal and polish it - so I guess it works on leather

Bring round the motor
And make sure it’s nicked,
These boots won’t leave prints tonight

Fetch me a tool
And tell them were to meet, where, or we're?
These boots need some brains tonight

Look me in the eye
And say that again,
These boot need to stamp tonight

Scream my battle cry all the other instructions have been to others
And do some fackin damage, fackin'
These boots fight our war tonight

Bang on the cell door
And rage through the bars,
These boots have no laces tonight

I like the description of gang warfare through attention to the boots; the whole journey, from preparation to prison cell.

Personally I find that capital letters on every line hold up the flow of the poem when I'm reading - I'd rather see them at the start of a sentence only. I think you need a period at the end of each stanza.

Even though the Narrator refers obliquely to suicide in the final line, I don't think he's really upset - it seems more like what usually happens somehow.

This was a different read for me! Thanks.

I hate capitals, I will sort out the And's and the Where, Fakin would be said this way if you were from the London area and the boots have no laces because the police took them, as they do, no reference to suicide, he's too mad for that. I will change to "Scream me my battle cry", Many thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

Isn't that why the police take the boot laces? So the prisoner can't commit suicide by hanging in the cell?

[TwistedAngel]

ermm 1 quick question..more about the critique than the write

i dont get wots wrong with the line "scream my battle cry" ???? i read it as a instruction to others anyways

love the use of local words an phrases tho..LDNers always seem to replace U with a A

[billy]

everyone sees things differently. because you see nothing wrong with it doesn't mean others don't. it's an opinion between the person replying and the poet.


the only stanza that works for me is the last one. (i've been in a police cell ) the first stanza goes over my head and the rest feels to theatrical.

[Keith]

Boil me my brain
And pour me some ox blood,
These boots need a shine tonight I've used brains and oxblood on a rammed earth floor, to seal and polish it - so I guess it works on leather

Bring round the motor
And make sure it’s nicked,
These boots won’t leave prints tonight

Fetch me a tool
And tell them were to meet, where, or we're?
These boots need some brains tonight

Look me in the eye
And say that again,
These boot need to stamp tonight

Scream my battle cry all the other instructions have been to others
And do some fackin damage, fackin'
These boots fight our war tonight

Bang on the cell door
And rage through the bars,
These boots have no laces tonight

I like the description of gang warfare through attention to the boots; the whole journey, from preparation to prison cell.

Personally I find that capital letters on every line hold up the flow of the poem when I'm reading - I'd rather see them at the start of a sentence only. I think you need a period at the end of each stanza.

Even though the Narrator refers obliquely to suicide in the final line, I don't think he's really upset - it seems more like what usually happens somehow.

This was a different read for me! Thanks.

I hate capitals, I will sort out the And's and the Where, Fakin would be said this way if you were from the London area and the boots have no laces because the police took them, as they do, no reference to suicide, he's too mad for that. I will change to "Scream me my battle cry", Many thanks for your comments, much appreciated.

Isn't that why the police take the boot laces? So the prisoner can't commit suicide by hanging in the cell?

Sorry, yes, I just ment my person is not suicidle.

[Keith]

everyone sees things differently. because you see nothing wrong with it doesn't mean others don't. it's an opinion between the person replying and the poet.


the only stanza that works for me is the last one. (i've been in a police cell ) the first stanza goes over my head and the rest feels to theatrical.

Thanks Billy something to think about

---

ermm 1 quick question..more about the critique than the write

i dont get wots wrong with the line "scream my battle cry" ???? i read it as a instruction to others anyways

love the use of local words an phrases tho..LDNers always seem to replace U with a A

Thanks for the feedback TwistedA

[just mercedes]

ermm 1 quick question..more about the critique than the write

i dont get wots wrong with the line "scream my battle cry" ???? i read it as a instruction to others anyways

love the use of local words an phrases tho..LDNers always seem to replace U with a A

I thought - why would you tell anyone else to scream your battle cry? Won't they have their own?

[TwistedAngel]

nah thugs are usually pretty dumb is like being in control of a zombie army...for a lot of em is a good thing that even breathing is a natural thing

GO ONE KICK HIS HEAD IN...no no no stop..FFS i meant the guys head from the OTHER gang !!!

[Keith]

ermm 1 quick question..more about the critique than the write

i dont get wots wrong with the line "scream my battle cry" ???? i read it as a instruction to others anyways

love the use of local words an phrases tho..LDNers always seem to replace U with a A

I thought - why would you tell anyone else to scream your battle cry? Won't they have their own?

The line I used, was said to another person, your thoughts are correct. But I also see how it could be read another way.