I'm Alive

[musicalmyheart]

Alive. Alive. Breathe...cry.
Lost.
Insecure.
Chained but alone.
Empty but whole.
Broken. Girl. Forgives...forgives.
Hurt but she lives.
Heart. Beats. Love me still.
Had. Defeat. Love you still.
Past. Remember...forgive. Never forget.

Envious. Vindictive. Tempting. Her.
Mind. Bent. In a blur.
Your hands surrender.
Unfamiliar. Regret.
Remembered me…on the floor you wept.
I give. You take. Drain my soul.
Kiss. Touch. There's still a hole.

Your eyes. Blind. But now you see.
And watch me suffer.
As your poison washes me.
Hurt. Scarred.
But you're sincere.
Genuine. Honest.
Your sins are cleared.

Love. Remains.
Feelings. Unchanged.
Because nobody knows.
Your story.
Your Life.
Your character.
Reposed.
Your heart. Now pure.
My heart. Needs cure.
This girl. Your hero.
Healing. Believing.
Can't do it alone.
Claiming. Blaming herself.
For what you have sown.

You. I love.
I won't let you go.
Time. Heals.
Lets take it slow.
Submit. Admit. Take the rope.
Final chance. Our last hope.

Breathe..cry.
But I'm alive...I'm still alive.

[billy]

Hi musicalmyheart

i think it reads like a light to medium rock song. as a song i think it works well.
as a piece of poetry it works but not as well. mainly due to the clichés
the first stanza is okay. the 2nd you have one, the third is mainly cliche.
and so on. i like the way it drives you through each line.

[Keith]

[quote='musicalmyheart' pid='104051' dateline='1349978018']
[font=Times New Roman]Alive. Alive. Breathe...cry.



I really enjoyed this, made me think of long fights and the moments of forgivness then read it again and thought of feeling trapped and getting past problems without forgiving, I guess that compromise. Clever start and last lines, if one small comment, then "Your eyes. Blind. But now you see" sounds a bit cliche

Thanks for the share

[addy]

Thanks for sharing this piece with us musicalmyheart

The style you used was interesting... the fragmented phrases called to mind a fragmented thought process, effectively implying a brokenness. I think at some points it got repetitive (for example, the two lines: "But you're sincere. // Genuine. Honest."; sincere - genuine - honest all practically say the same thing). As long as you don't try to overexplain things, it works

[Mr. Brown]

I enjoyed this poem alot, The stop and go aspect with the words makes it interesting, and also really drives in the intensity and meaning of the words, well written indeed