Nature
#1
Nature as a metaphor.




• Her brightness distracts their view
• Body floating around in big cotton balls high above
• The tricks under her sleeves always new

• Providing certain cycles people love
• On dreary depressing days she dashes out tears
• Screaming and shouting she drove

• Yodeling her angelic voice through your ears
• While breezing past you in a fast pace
• Strong echoes you never fail to hear

• Different color coordinated makeup for her face
• Time passes if not well taken care of
• despite her selfish ways, in her heart is a place

• Gentle like a dove
• Standing up into the skies
• Yet, still pushes out black gloves

• She’s there when you rise
• Just take a look outside with your eyes
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#2
(02-27-2010, 09:07 AM)Loveblind Wrote:  Nature as a metaphor.




• Her brightness distracts their view
A Body floating around in big cotton balls high above
• The tricks under her sleeves always new

• Providing certain cycles people love
• On dreary depressing days she dashes out tears
• Screaming and shouting she drove above

• Yodeling her angelic voice through your ears
• While breezing past you in a fast pace at
• Strong echoes you never fail to hear

• Different color coordinated makeup for her face
• Time passes if not well taken care of
• despite her selfish ways, in her heart is a place

• Gentle like a dove
• Standing up into the skies
• Yet, still able to pushes out black fingered gloves

• She’s there when you rise
• Just take a look outside with your eyes
Her brightness distracts their view
A Body floating around in big cotton balls high above
The tricks under her sleeve always new

Providing certain cycles people love
On dreary depressing days she dashes out tears
Screaming and shouting above

Yodeling her angelic voice through your ears
While breezing past you at a fast pace
Strong echoes you never fail to hear

Different color coordinated makeup for her face
Time takes it toll if not well taken care of
with her selfish ways we'll be put in our place

Gentle like a dove
Standing up into the skies
Yet, able to push out black fingered glove

She’s there when you rise
Just take a look outside

remove anything in this style and add anything in this style.
i really like it LB.

for me the bullets [•] don't really work. nor dos the title. would it work just as well if it were called; nature or mother nature?
i think this is a good effort. i see some original lines which i like.
ie;
Providing certain cycles people love

Yodeling her angelic voice through your ears

Yet, still able to pushes out black gloves.

nicely doneWink
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#3
I like it. I think it's a rather original way to describe the spirit of nature

(02-27-2010, 09:07 AM)Loveblind Wrote:  Nature as a metaphor.




• Her brightness distracts their view
• Body floating around in big cotton balls high above
• The tricks under her sleeves always new

• Providing certain cycles people love
• On dreary depressing days she dashes out tears
• Screaming and shouting she drove Don't think drove rhymes with love
• Yodeling her angelic voice through your ears
• While breezing past you in a fast pace maybe you don't need "you"

• Strong echoes you never fail to hear

• Different color coordinated makeup for her face
• Time passes if not well taken care of
• despite her selfish ways, in her heart is a place

• Gentle like a dove A cliche metaphor; you can definitely still push this image into something new Smile
• Standing up into the skies
• Yet, still pushes out black gloves I'm not sure I understand this metaphor. But it's probably just me Sad

• She’s there when you rise
• Just take a look outside with your eyes
Thanks for this Smile[/b]
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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