‘Someone else has been here before’ I think to myself as I look at the writings engraved on his wall. ‘Someone has been in this same exact position before, laying the same way, thinking the same exact thing.' This lover’s gathering between him and I isn't so special. Being in his bed makes me want to dig a hole into the wall, climb out the other end and join all the other broken hearts laying on his door step. My heart’s not broken yet, but it’s waiting in line with all the other poor souls.
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(10-01-2012, 02:25 PM)Jolly Figs Wrote: ‘Someone else has been here before’ I think to myself as I look at the writings engraved on his wall. ‘Someone has been in this same exact position before, laying the same way, thinking the same exact thing.' This lover’s gathering between him and I isn't so special. Being in his bed makes me want to dig a hole into the wall, climb out the other end and join all the other broken hearts laying on his door step. My heart’s not broken yet, but it’s waiting in line with all the other poor souls.
i quite like this, the way it's laid out doesn't work though. i'd suggest laying it out in a way the has the quoted lines on their own, and line breaks where there should be a pause. just a suggestion of course and i realise you may have took the prose looking approach on purpose.
thanks for the read.
I like the text, but is the layout (one long line) a deliberate choice? It surely leaves a frustrated and awkward feeling so if that is the purpose, the layout fills it nicely.
-Petteri-
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I like this, had to read it a couple of times, partly because of the layout and partly because I'm a simple soul.
