I need voice.
 
Chorus, please relieve these words
of whatever role they were meant to perform
and distract them with some chocolate.
 
A voice
searches for a tragicomic monologue
in a plateau of mimetic psychodrama.
 
Missed buses and abandoned strip malls
are further unexplained
through the efforts of another confused writer.
 
            the nothing
            I want to tell you about
            the you
            I want to express everything about
            nothing to
 
I need voice.
 
The white howl of a small town
is heard until it is felt,
until it is the texture of mute struggles,
until it is a disposition nearing diagnosis.
 
The Printing Press of All-Things
should take the pains of footnoting each speck
that comprises each speck            
so I can be even less sure
of what, of who, of why.
 
Voice.

(12-20-2014, 09:44 AM)ajcohen613 Wrote:   
I need voice.
 
Chorus, please relieve these words
of whatever role they were meant to perform
and distract them with some chocolate. This made me laugh. We all need some relieving chocolate from time to time
 
Voice
searching for a tragicomic monologue
in a plateau of mimetic psychodrama. Great, modern verse. It expresses so much in simple jargon.
 
Missed buses and abandoned strip malls This line creates a strong sense of urban disaffection, which I like.
are further unexplained
through the efforts of another confused writer.
 
            the nothing
            I want to tell you about
            the you
            I want to express everything about
            nothing to Good choice with the italics. It singles this verse out as the unadulterated core of the poem.
 
I need voice.
 
The white howl of a small town
is heard until it is felt, Gently menacing line, like something out of Stephen King.
until it is the texture of mute struggles,
until it is a disposition nearing diagnosis. Real sense of something wicked this way coming. Beautifully arranged verse.
 
The Printing Press of All-Things Is the dash needed? It kind of confused the meaning for me, because it makes "All-Things" sound like a race of beings, a la mermaids or babadooks.
should take the pains of footnoting each speck
that comprises each speck A reference to quantam mechanics? Either way, these two lines are great.  
so I can be even less sure
of what, of who, of why.
 
Voice. Is this necessary? The previous verse's "why", I think, would be a stronger close.

I really, really like this poem. It's elegantly crafted and, though I won't presume to know what it's about exactly, it made me think of depression, particularly the kind Sylvia Plath sometimes wrote of, which was the fear and feeling of absolute nothing.

(12-21-2014, 01:05 AM)Heslopian Wrote:  

(12-20-2014, 09:44 AM)ajcohen613 Wrote:   
I need voice.
 
Chorus, please relieve these words
of whatever role they were meant to perform
and distract them with some chocolate. This made me laugh. We all need some relieving chocolate from time to time
 
Voice
searching for a tragicomic monologue
in a plateau of mimetic psychodrama. Great, modern verse. It expresses so much in simple jargon.
 
Missed buses and abandoned strip malls This line creates a strong sense of urban disaffection, which I like.
are further unexplained
through the efforts of another confused writer.
 
            the nothing
            I want to tell you about
            the you
            I want to express everything about
            nothing to Good choice with the italics. It singles this verse out as the unadulterated core of the poem.
 
I need voice.
 
The white howl of a small town
is heard until it is felt, Gently menacing line, like something out of Stephen King.
until it is the texture of mute struggles,
until it is a disposition nearing diagnosis. Real sense of something wicked this way coming. Beautifully arranged verse.
 
The Printing Press of All-Things Is the dash needed? It kind of confused the meaning for me, because it makes "All-Things" sound like a race of beings, a la mermaids or babadooks.
should take the pains of footnoting each speck
that comprises each speck A reference to quantam mechanics? Either way, these two lines are great.  
so I can be even less sure
of what, of who, of why.
 
Voice. Is this necessary? The previous verse's "why", I think, would be a stronger close.

I really, really like this poem. It's elegantly crafted and, though I won't presume to know what it's about exactly, it made me think of depression, particularly the kind Sylvia Plath sometimes wrote of, which was the fear and feeling of absolute nothing.

Thanks. I was actually inspired by a bad/taxing acid trip in writing this poem. It isn't necessarily meant to be sad/depressing, but rather confused, displaced, mortal, roundabout. I appreciate your comment on the ending; I felt forced to end with "voice" and I'm realizing now that the poem might benefit from a different ending.

I may be dense but how does one get "in a plateau". If you were meaning a psychological plateau wouldn't it be plateaued? Or possibly a plateau, but I see way one can be "in" a plateau. When meaning it as a point in progress that has stopped, it is usually said as I've plateaued, or "I'm plateauing," or maybe I've reached a plateau. Sorry I just don't get it. maybe you can explain? Also the rest of the line, while it sounds slick, for me anyway, it carries little meaning.

"A voice
searches for a tragicomic monologue
in a plateau of mimetic psychodrama."

with simpler words.

searches for a tragicomic monologue in a state of no growth (of) imitating intense emotional roles.

sorry I just don't get the point being made.

I have to agree with Jack on the "All-Things" deal, at least on the point of it being confusing. It reminds me of the All-spark from transformers. Even though it wouldn't be quite so fancy, wouldn't "everything" work just as well. "All-Things just makes me feel like I'm in a fantasy novel, but that's purely personal.

"the texture of mute struggles" This does not bring any kind of image to me. The words sound neat, but it translates zero meaning to me. I know what all the word mean, but when put together in this way, they seem meaningless. I keep having to back up to find a point of entry for this to make sense.

"The white howl of a small town I have no idea what the "White Howl" is, as it is so ambiguous it could be fifty different things.
is heard until it is felt, Maybe I could read this as though it is a wind, or such a strong sound that it actually impacts you, OK so now it has been felt, but now we backtrack.
until it is the texture of mute struggles, Texture has many definitions and there is little around it to help one choose the correct one, so I'll just choose "essence", "mute" here looks like it would mean unvoiced, So, "until it is the essence of unvoiced struggles"
until it is a disposition nearing diagnosis."

what these lines seem to say is that the White Howl, whatever that is is felt until it becomes the texture of mute struggles and also becomes the disposition nearing diagnosis. And that is it for the White Howl, what ever it was as it does not seem connected to the "The Printing Press of All-Things", but then that's a different story. As this is mild critique I'll stop there, and I probably should have stopped before I started for all the good I've done.


Dale

(12-21-2014, 02:26 PM)Erthona Wrote:  I may be dense but how does one get "in a plateau". If you were meaning a psychological plateau wouldn't it be plateaued? Or possibly a plateau, but I see way one can be "in" a plateau. When meaning it as a point in progress that has stopped, it is usually said as I've plateaued, or "I'm plateauing," or maybe I've reached a plateau. Sorry I just don't get it. maybe you can explain? Also the rest of the line, while it sounds slick, for me anyway, it carries little meaning.

"A voice
searches for a tragicomic monologue
in a plateau of mimetic psychodrama."

with simpler words.

searches for a tragicomic monologue in a state of no growth (of) imitating intense emotional roles.

sorry I just don't get the point being made.

I have to agree with Jack on the "All-Things" deal, at least on the point of it being confusing. It reminds me of the All-spark from transformers. Even though it wouldn't be quite so fancy, wouldn't "everything" work just as well. "All-Things just makes me feel like I'm in a fantasy novel, but that's purely personal.

"the texture of mute struggles" This does not bring any kind of image to me. The words sound neat, but it translates zero meaning to me. I know what all the word mean, but when put together in this way, they seem meaningless. I keep having to back up to find a point of entry for this to make sense.

"The white howl of a small town  I have no idea what the "White Howl" is, as it is so ambiguous it could be fifty different things.
is heard until it is felt,    Maybe I could read this as though it is a wind, or such a strong sound that it actually impacts you, OK so now it has been felt, but now we backtrack.
until it is the texture of mute struggles,  Texture has many definitions and there is little around it to help one choose the correct one, so I'll just choose "essence", "mute"  here looks like it would mean unvoiced, So, "until it is the essence of unvoiced struggles"  
until it is a disposition nearing diagnosis."

what these lines seem to say is that the White Howl, whatever that is is felt until it becomes the texture of mute struggles and also becomes the disposition nearing diagnosis. And that is it for the White Howl, what ever it was as it does not seem connected to the "The Printing Press of All-Things", but then that's a different story. As this is mild critique I'll stop there, and I probably should have stopped before I started for all the good I've done.


Dale

I guess we just have different goals in writing (and I'm assuming reading) poetry. None of this is supposed to have a "point", there isn't a set sentiment or goal or anything like that. I guess if this poem had a "goal", it would be to elicit a second, or even third, read.

In regards to your confusion over "plateau", I see your point. Though, hear me out. A plateau can refer to a physical plain and/or a static state (a static of no change.) Considering these possible definitions, and allowing them to float in the ether, the words "mimetic" (imitation in literature/life/theater, exhibiting mimesis) and "psychodrama" (a type of therapy that employs theater, acting and psychoanalysis to tap into a subject's subconscious) are granted possible meanings as well; "zero change" - "mimesis/imitation", "a physical plain"- "the subconscious as a scape/plain/stage" "psychodrama-mimesis/theater-tragicomic monologue"...etc. Just trying to give you a glimpse as to how I wrote this and make connections. There is no golden meaning, no one gets a star for reducing the poem to something less than it is. To be honest, I often have the most fun reading poetry when I have little to no idea what it's "about" the first/second time through! This is not to say that this poem is random; all is intentional. 

If you have no "goal" or set sentiment, are not trying to communicate anything, and deny any meaning is inherent in the poem what reason do you give for the reader to read you poem?

I have split some posts off to Poetry Discussion as it seemed to me they had strayed away from this specific poem. I hope y'all are okay with that.

ella/mod