Did I say sorry?(edit)

[brynmawr1]

It was an accident,
this poem.
Avoidably conceived
through lack
of proper protection
from stray thoughts,
meant only to be
a distraction,
a procrastination.

But here it is, now
a mess all over
the page. Small words
without meaning
unable to pierce
or even bruise.
If only some mercy
found in its execution

might have saved you
from the collateral
damage of wondering
what it could have been.

It was an accident,
this poem.
Avoidably conceived
through lack
of proper protection
from stray thoughts
meant only to be
a distraction,
a procrastination.

But here it is,
a mess all over
the page. Not even
some mercy found
in its execution.

And now the collateral
damage of having paid
the price; two minutes
thirty seconds of your life.
No refunds.

[TranquillityBase]

It was an accident,
this poem.
Avoidably conceived
through lack
of proper protection
from stray thoughts
meant only to be
a distraction,
a procrastination.

But here it is,
a mess all over
the page. Not even
some mercy found
in its execution.

And now the collateral
damage of having paid
the price; two minutes            Not crazy about these last three lines; maybe you could express it in some way besides quantity?  The trope of "wanting those (mintes/hours/seconds) back" is a little overused.
thirty seconds of your life.
No refunds.  Seems redundant....

I enjoyed this but I think the ending is too pat for such a poem.  I especially like the way the title ansers inself in the tone of the poem.

TqB

[brynmawr1]

It was an accident,
this poem.
Avoidably conceived
through lack
of proper protection
from stray thoughts
meant only to be
a distraction,
a procrastination.

But here it is,
a mess all over
the page. Not even
some mercy found
in its execution.

And now the collateral
damage of having paid
the price; two minutes            Not crazy about these last three lines; maybe you could express it in some way besides quantity?  The trope of "wanting those (mintes/hours/seconds) back" is a little overused.
thirty seconds of your life.
No refunds.  Seems redundant....

I enjoyed this but I think the ending is too pat for such a poem.  I especially like the way the title ansers inself in the tone of the poem.

TqB

Hey TqB,
Thanks for your input.  I'll have to ruminate on the ending a bit give it more of a twist.
Take care,
bryn

[TranquillityBase]

It was an accident,
this poem.
Avoidably conceived
through lack
of proper protection
from stray thoughts,
meant only to be
a distraction,
a procrastination.

But here it is, now           why the comma?
a mess all over
the page. Small words
without meaning
unable to pierce
or even bruise.
If only some mercy
found in its execution         you might could lose this line

could have saved you
from the collateral
damage of wondering
what it might have been.

I like this twist ending much better.  It doesn't express the same harsh tone that led me to assume the answer to the title question is "I'm not sorry".  Was that the answer you had in mind?

[brynmawr1]

It was an accident,
this poem.
Avoidably conceived
through lack
of proper protection
from stray thoughts,
meant only to be
a distraction,
a procrastination.

But here it is, now           why the comma?   That's how I read it in my head.  I probably could cut it since I added the 'now'
a mess all over
the page. Small words
without meaning
unable to pierce
or even bruise.
If only some mercy
found in its execution         you might could lose this line    at risk of being 'explainy' I am trying to play off the double meanings between 'mercy' and 'execution. I guess it's not working?

could have saved you
from the collateral
damage of wondering
what it might have been.

I like this twist ending much better.  It doesn't express the same harsh tone that led me to assume the answer to the title question is "I'm not sorry".  Was that the answer you had in mind?

Thanks for the follow up.  I was trying to suggest I was sorry for wasting people's time for having read the poem.  A silly idea I came up with while mowing the lawn.  Not sure the title works as well with the changes.  Something else to think about!
bryn

[TranquillityBase]

If only some mercy
found in its execution         you might could lose this line    at risk of being 'explainy' I am trying to play off the double meanings between 'mercy' and 'execution. I guess it's not working?

No it works, I'm just a dim bulb sometimes.

[Bunx]

Like this piece alot, I feel like it's pretty matter of fact.
When I read it aloud it's a little monotone not sure if that was intentional. Though I feel like it's the result and critique of writing
A poem that serves and a emotional vent.

Great idea! Thanks for the read