Concrete

[Ikki777]

Ear bent to a black hole
Whirring depthlessness 
Explorations of heaven 
Reveries on the nature of light

Temporal ripples 
Glimmer through the concrete
Oceanic fabric
Gates arise 



All one ought to do is ask

[Tiger the Lion]

Welcome to the site, IK. Well done responding to CRNDLSM's advice so thank you for your input on those threads.
I will try to get you started with some of my thinking below. It's fine to take or leave any feedback you receive here. My unsolicited advice is not to rush into an edit. A good poem oftentimes needs steeping. 

Ear bent to a black hole
Whirring depthlessness I feel like tho "depthlessness" is the correct word, it's not easy on the tongue
Explorations of heaven 
Reveries on the nature of light consider CAPS on "Nature" and "Light" for effect

Temporal ripples 
Glimmer through the concrete you can do better than "glimmer" here
Oceanic fabric
Gates arise nope. gates open, gates close, gates get left ajar, - "arise" is distracting



All one ought to do is ask

[Ikki777]

Welcome to the site, IK. Well done responding to CRNDLSM's advice so thank you for your input on those threads.
I will try to get you started with some of my thinking below. It's fine to take or leave any feedback you receive here. My unsolicited advice is not to rush into an edit. A good poem oftentimes needs steeping. 

Ear bent to a black hole
Whirring depthlessness I feel like tho "depthlessness" is the correct word, it's not easy on the tongue
Explorations of heaven 
Reveries on the nature of light consider CAPS on "Nature" and "Light" for effect

Temporal ripples 
Glimmer through the concrete you can do better than "glimmer" here
Oceanic fabric
Gates arise nope. gates open, gates close, gates get left ajar, - "arise" is distracting



All one ought to do is ask

Thanks for the feedback!

Glisten would be a lot nicer than glimmer.
Meant to put a comma at;
Oceanic fabric ,
Gates arise
So to have gates arising from the oceanic fabric, not sure how to connect or imply this better? I do prefer gates I think to say doorways or thresholds especially with the g

I really like depthlessness here, gonna have a think

[crow]

As usual, please put the title above the poem in the body of the post. As you can see, many of your comments are overlooking the key you provide in the title.

This is a poem about science. It’s perfect, but incomplete. Your central image is clockwork mechanics and the poem is currently a reverie about the nature of big questions. You seem to be using concrete in two ways. One is about the idea that science could be hard, when it isn’t, the other might be about the concrete slab over the neutrino detector.

This is a clever poem that comprises the octet of a sonnet. It wants a turn and a sestet.

A turn in a sonnet is a line where the tone shifts and the poem becomes about a larger theme. Turns have a sense of “yet” that is sometimes stated overtly. For instance: 

Sonnet 29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possessed,
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven’s gate;
       For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings
       That then I scorn to change my state with kings.