1977
#1
1977
 
The streetlights have only just come on
and Father’s summoning whistle
stabs into the park.
 
I could kiss you quickly
(before it gets dark)
and have an excuse
to turn and run.
Reply
#2
The year is what makes this scary for me. Even though this could mean a couple different things it brings to mind psycho killer by talking heads. Nice and suspenseful!
Peanut butter honey banana sandwiches
Reply
#3
(12-04-2017, 08:31 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  1977
 
The streetlights have only just come on
and Father’s summoning whistle
stabs into the park.
 
I could kiss you quickly
(before it gets dark)
and have an excuse
to turn and run.

another stroke of genius. this is excellent.
Reply
#4
(12-04-2017, 08:31 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  1977
 
The streetlights have only just come on
and Father’s summoning whistle
stabs into the park.
 
I could kiss you quickly
(before it gets dark)
and have an excuse
to turn and run.

So much in these few lines, even the title sets it up just right, very much enjoyed the feeling of first kisses you capture here, parents ring phones now, so it also stands as an imprint of something that's changing.

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
Reply
#5
this is very sweet
and shines in different directions


nibbed
there's always a better reason to love
Reply
#6
(12-04-2017, 08:55 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote:  The year is what makes this scary for me.  Even though this could mean a couple different things it brings to mind psycho killer by talking heads.  Nice and suspenseful!
It brought to my mind Star Wars. 1977 was a wild ride.... I guess? I didn't live through it.

That said, both the movie and the album I feel are too tangential to the matter of the poem. When I first thought "Star Wars!", before I dismissed the thought I wondered why there wasn't any mention of it -- or, in fact, of anything else particularly 1977, even something as obscure as Talking Heads. Perhaps the matter of the poem as the speaker's memory of 1977 is along those same lines obscure, but it's so obscure only one or two readers could *definitively* make the connection -- the piece either needs a different title, needs a sturdier connection to its title, or (and this is the solution I favor, if the structure of the website, as far as I understand it, does not) needs to be slotted among other pieces elaborating on the same details.
Reply
#7
(12-04-2017, 11:31 AM)RiverNotch Wrote:  
(12-04-2017, 08:55 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote:  The year is what makes this scary for me.  Even though this could mean a couple different things it brings to mind psycho killer by talking heads.  Nice and suspenseful!
It brought to my mind Star Wars. 1977 was a wild ride.... I guess? I didn't live through it.

That said, both the movie and the album I feel are too tangential to the matter of the poem. When I first thought "Star Wars!", before I dismissed the thought I wondered why there wasn't any mention of it -- or, in fact, of anything else particularly 1977, even something as obscure as Talking Heads. Perhaps the matter of the poem as the speaker's memory of 1977 is along those same lines obscure, but it's so obscure only one or two readers could *definitively* make the connection -- the piece either needs a different title, needs a sturdier connection to its title, or (and this is the solution I favor, if the structure of the website, as far as I understand it, does not) needs to be slotted among other pieces elaborating on the same details.

i think it's pretty obvious the title is referring to the year in which the poem is set. i will stand corrected if that isn't the case, but come on man, just because you're reading poetry doesn't mean you have to abandon all common sense.
Reply
#8
(12-04-2017, 12:02 PM)shemthepenman Wrote:  
(12-04-2017, 11:31 AM)RiverNotch Wrote:  
(12-04-2017, 08:55 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote:  The year is what makes this scary for me.  Even though this could mean a couple different things it brings to mind psycho killer by talking heads.  Nice and suspenseful!
It brought to my mind Star Wars. 1977 was a wild ride.... I guess? I didn't live through it.

That said, both the movie and the album I feel are too tangential to the matter of the poem. When I first thought "Star Wars!", before I dismissed the thought I wondered why there wasn't any mention of it -- or, in fact, of anything else particularly 1977, even something as obscure as Talking Heads. Perhaps the matter of the poem as the speaker's memory of 1977 is along those same lines obscure, but it's so obscure only one or two readers could *definitively* make the connection -- the piece either needs a different title, needs a sturdier connection to its title, or (and this is the solution I favor, if the structure of the website, as far as I understand it, does not) needs to be slotted among other pieces elaborating on the same details.

i think it's pretty obvious the title is referring to the year in which the poem is set. i will stand corrected if that isn't the case, but come on man, just because you're reading poetry doesn't mean you have to abandon all common sense.
it is very obvious -- i just don't think the poem itself is 1977 enough. i'll grant it would be weird to insert anything properly 1977 into the piece, but that's why i would prefer this be included as part of a collection.
Reply
#9
(12-04-2017, 12:43 PM)RiverNotch Wrote:  
(12-04-2017, 12:02 PM)shemthepenman Wrote:  
(12-04-2017, 11:31 AM)RiverNotch Wrote:  It brought to my mind Star Wars. 1977 was a wild ride.... I guess? I didn't live through it.

That said, both the movie and the album I feel are too tangential to the matter of the poem. When I first thought "Star Wars!", before I dismissed the thought I wondered why there wasn't any mention of it -- or, in fact, of anything else particularly 1977, even something as obscure as Talking Heads. Perhaps the matter of the poem as the speaker's memory of 1977 is along those same lines obscure, but it's so obscure only one or two readers could *definitively* make the connection -- the piece either needs a different title, needs a sturdier connection to its title, or (and this is the solution I favor, if the structure of the website, as far as I understand it, does not) needs to be slotted among other pieces elaborating on the same details.

i think it's pretty obvious the title is referring to the year in which the poem is set. i will stand corrected if that isn't the case, but come on man, just because you're reading poetry doesn't mean you have to abandon all common sense.
it is very obvious -- i just don't think the poem itself is 1977 enough. i'll grant it would be weird to insert anything properly 1977 into the piece, but that's why i would prefer this be included as part of a collection.

that’s not a bad idea. in that case he could just give it the first line treatment. so the title would be “The Street Lights Have Only Just Come On” dylan thomas style. but, i still don’t really see the problem with the title as it is; it’s doing a lot of work (like that wisecrack edition you posted said) it’s setting up a lot of the mise en scène. we already can imagine the style of clothes, maybe the types of cars on the street, maybe a billboard for star wars in the distance, etc.  

but still, the collection idea’s a good one, too, so.
Reply
#10
But surely this is not about 1977, it's about the nervousness of first tender moments, the cover of fading light, the control of parents at an age when we all knew better and wanted to break away, does that not apply to everyone? 1977 to me was just the year this happened to the N.this was probably me in 1977 but punks, Star Wars,jaws, skateboards, whatever are totally seperate poems and I didn't see any of that, I just saw the damp park, the deodarized smell of intimacy, the clashing teeth of a first proper kiss and for me my mother calling me in. Please don't tinker with this one.

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
Reply
#11
1977

The streetlights have only just come on
and Father’s summoning whistle
stabs into the park.

I could kiss you quickly
(before it gets dark)
and have an excuse
to turn and run.


super esses scattered thru - neato jack the ripper stabbing whistles piercing parks, and quick smooches from which we run away, blushing, and hide for a while recollecting, then bragging about to our mates next day at morning recess.

my old farts thought staying up late was only for burglars, or maybe sex (which i was unaware existed) and snatched away the book and torch from me at the same hour early every evening in a goodnight ritual i didn't pass on to my brats.

in '77 i was six, in NZ freezing my titties off, eating shovels of seafood, going to speech therapists to iron my my crickled aussie accent, and have my selective hearing tested which availed me none, and my parents then assumed i was deliberately ignoring their monologues which faded like traffic noise in the background while i automatically inserted appropriate platitudes like 'yes mum' 'sorry mum' , 'i know mum' etc at the fitting time in intervals as expected.

oh is wonderful to be free of the bondage of youth and its burdens and expectations!!!!! give me antiquity in me tea any day!
My Muse, to labour chained
demure, pure, restrained
may yet escape -
i'll grab his cape
and hitch-hike to new planes

mehopkins1971.wordpress.com
Reply
#12
in 1977 i was dead. and now, like a champagne eruption stopped in mid celebratory discharge, time’s conspiring to go in reverse and suck me back into the bottle.
Reply
#13
(12-04-2017, 08:31 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  1977
 
The streetlights have only just come on
and Father’s summoning whistle
stabs into the park.
 
I could kiss you quickly
(before it gets dark)
and have an excuse
to turn and run.

I love the whistle and how it interrupts that magical time of dusk. While the year may be important because it was a time when parents didn't insist on knowing exactly where their children were at every minute, a time when Be home before dark was enough, I think the poem may be more universal if the title was the N's age at the time.

Lovely read, thanks.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

Reply
#14
oh u got vaccummed and bottled by solomon again huh? irish djinn ruled by irish god of inconvenience Murphy.... you'll just have to recite the unknown name of god to breakthe seal and escape bondage..... poor u.... so sad.....
My Muse, to labour chained
demure, pure, restrained
may yet escape -
i'll grab his cape
and hitch-hike to new planes

mehopkins1971.wordpress.com
Reply
#15
(12-05-2017, 02:08 AM)Mopkins Wrote:  oh u got vaccummed and bottled by solomon again huh? irish djinn ruled by irish god of inconvenience Murphy.... you'll just have to recite the unknown name of god to breakthe seal and escape bondage..... poor u.... so sad.....

poor me, indeed... pour me another!

(12-04-2017, 04:10 PM)Keith Wrote:  But surely this is not about 1977, it's about the nervousness of first tender moments, the cover of fading light, the control of parents at an age when we all knew better and wanted to break away, does that not apply to everyone? 1977 to me was just the year this happened to the N.this was probably me in 1977 but punks, Star Wars,jaws, skateboards, whatever are totally seperate poems and I didn't see any of that, I just saw the damp park, the deodarized smell of intimacy, the clashing teeth of a first proper kiss and for me my mother calling me in. Please don't tinker with this one.

exactly. however, my point is that the title is doing work. setting a scene. it doesn’t necessarily have to be invoking “star wars” or “talking heads”. those are just the obvious sign posts. especially for people who only know the year (and decade) from retrospections of pop culture. 

at the very least it’s generally setting the tone. something in the past, in the childhoods and neighborhoods of all our lives whenever it happened to be. i like the specificness of the title. it doesn’t patronise the reader.
Reply
#16
(12-05-2017, 05:12 AM)shemthepenman Wrote:  
(12-05-2017, 02:08 AM)Mopkins Wrote:  oh u got vaccummed and bottled by solomon again huh? irish djinn ruled by irish god of inconvenience Murphy.... you'll just have to recite the unknown name of god to breakthe seal and escape bondage..... poor u.... so sad.....

poor me, indeed... pour me another!

(12-04-2017, 04:10 PM)Keith Wrote:  But surely this is not about 1977, it's about the nervousness of first tender moments, the cover of fading light, the control of parents at an age when we all knew better and wanted to break away, does that not apply to everyone? 1977 to me was just the year this happened to the N.this was probably me in 1977 but punks, Star Wars,jaws, skateboards, whatever are totally seperate poems and I didn't see any of that, I just saw the damp park, the deodarized smell of intimacy, the clashing teeth of a first proper kiss and for me my mother calling me in. Please don't tinker with this one.

exactly. however, my point is that the title is doing work. setting a scene. it doesn’t necessarily have to be invoking “star wars” or “talking heads”. those are just the obvious sign posts. especially for people who only know the year (and decade) from retrospections of pop culture. 

at the very least it’s generally setting the tone. something in the past, in the childhoods and neighborhoods of all our lives whenever it happened to be. i like the specificness of the title. it doesn’t patronise the reader.

I agree Sam, just needed more time to read the thread properly as I Got to this one early, before coffee early, so yes point well made.

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
Reply
#17
aha, yes. now it seem obvious your comment wasn’t intended for me. sorry about that. but, no harm no foul.
Reply
#18
Thanks for reading and commenting everyone. Just digesting the remarks but will try to address a few things.

@CRNDLSM - I'm happy with your impression as it was a deliberate subtext. I needed a way to sour the sticky sweet nostalgia. 

@Shem - Thanks for the kind words on both this and the other one. For every one that works, there's two that fall flat. 

@Keith - I'm glad you just GOT it on an early read. I am weary though, that it may only be because you and the N are of a similar age??

@River - You are exactly right. There is a piece missing in the context. I don't want to insert that piece into the poem because I think it would hurt any universality. I favour the collection idea... I think there was a discussion recently about how knowing the writer creates context, and becomes part of the poem.

@Mopkins - thankssss. I slide 'em in as subtly as I can. If the title transported you anywhere, it did at least some of its job.

@Ella - I wanted that whistle as sharp as I could get it without lingering on it too long. I struggled with using "summoning" as I'm learning to unlove adjectives. But I figured "whistle" was quite verbish in this case anyway.

Thanks everyone. Just thinking on River's discussion and what tinkering might accommodate the poem.
Paul
Reply
#19
(12-05-2017, 06:01 AM)shemthepenman Wrote:  aha, yes. now it seem obvious your comment wasn’t intended for me. sorry about that. but, no harm no foul.

No foul, it was kind of a general reply but aimed at Paul, I'm glad you replied because it made me read the thread again. Best Keith

If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
Reply
#20
I
(12-04-2017, 08:31 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  1977
 
The streetlights have only just come on
and Father’s summoning whistle
stabs into the park.
 
I could kiss you quickly
(before it gets dark)
and have an excuse
to turn and run.

Is this about pedophllia in the Catholic Church?
I am a catholic myself and am frankly quite tired of people picking on my faith.
If something else was intended then it’s not clear enough, at least for a reader like me
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!