Dawn Psalm
#1
Dawn Psalm


A walking sweater trots across a barren
field, searching for a Judas tree.

Somehow the dried out riverbeds
that weave through ancient rocks are warped

as if a vengeful lord maligned by time
shatters busts and scrapes out names,

leaving behind a rod, a cup
that never overflows, a seat

before a wolf -- a snarl -- a gleaming
pair of shears. "It's called an exultation,

dear, and thou art the roast."
Is it mercy, then, that springs

the sheep to where two mighty trees --
one oak, one linden -- intertwine?


A walking sweater trots across a barren
field, searching for a Judas tree.

Somehow the dried out riverbeds
that weave through ancient rock are warped,

like busts shattered and names scratched out
to vengeance a lord maligned by time,

to evil things: a staff, a cup
that never overflows, a seat

before a wolf -- a snarl -- a gleaming
pair of shears. "It's called an exultation,

dear, and thou art the roast."
Is it mercy, then, that springs

the sheep to where two mighty trees --
one oak, one linden -- intertwine?
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#2
.
Hi River,
you lose me with 'to vengeance' - I don't know what that means.
Similarly 'to evil things'
(and you don't need either comma in the first four lines).

Best, Knot


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#3
Hi River, I too get lost after the vengeance line until the wolf line but I seem to pick it up again with the wolf line.  The evil things are intriguing but like a different poem, or too brief.  i really like the combination of modernity and medievalism.
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#4
thanks for the feedback! revised the problem lines to what i hope is some satisfaction. the comma in the second line i left behind, as it left a deadening stop i kinda like.
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#5
Very much improved your narrative.  I am still in a little puzzled by the action of last two lines, but that’s my problem.  Lots of lingering mysteries in the poem but that’s not a bad thing.

This poem reminds me of the song in Orff’s Carmina Burana called The Roasted Swan.

Thanks for sharing revision.
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