Pandora's Jar
#1
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Pandora's Jar


Who blames the axe
for the fallen tree

or the spear
for the battlefield dead?

Who accuses clay
or the potter's wheel?

Who welcomed us
into your house?

All, I was given
for you

and willed nothing
but was made

to open
and to carry.




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#2
(01-27-2021, 06:47 PM)Knot Wrote:  .
Pandora's Jar


Who blames the axe
for the fallen tree

or the spear
for the battlefield dead?

Who accuses clay
or the potter's wheel?

Who welcomed us
into your house?

All, I was given
for you

and willed nothing
but was made

to open
and to carry..

In mild critique, this is a good application or response to mythology, looking at it from the standpoint of an otherwise neglected character or artifact.

Although it would likely ruin the jar-shaped typography, I'd suggest removing a few articles ("the") to improve flow.  In fact, most appearances of "the" could go away; this might require a little rearrangement ("for death on battlefields" on l.4, for example).

My only other suggestion would be to make the last line "and to bear" just to end on an accented syllable.  Though it also suggests bearing children as well as carrying the ills of the world.  And hope, of course, which is sometimes difficult to bear.

Nice one.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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#3
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Hi duke,
thanks for the read.
Removing the articles would force a transition to plurals (wouldn't it?)
Could switch to 'an axe/a spear/a potter's wheel' ... possibly?

I take your point about ending on an accented syllable, but 'bear'? I'm struggling to hear how that works in the context of a jar
(one may bear a jar, but does a jar bear its contents? Very uncertain about that).

I'll be over here, dithering.


Best, Knot



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#4
(01-27-2021, 06:47 PM)Knot Wrote:  .

Pandora's Jar


Who blames the axe
for the fallen tree

or the spear
for the battlefield dead?

Who accuses clay
or the potter's wheel? 
I agree that many of your "the's" could be omitted and it would read smoother, I think, given the poetic form, I wouldn't blink at the compressed grammar.

Who welcomed us
into your house?


Is "welcomed" purposely darker than the rest of the text? This is the first idea without a strong image. To be literal, I read the house as being the earthly realm, and it is the creators house, God Almighty ! 
All, I was given
for you


Of all the couplets, the above gives me the hardest time, I feel like its simple but I also don't understand. 
and willed nothing
but was made

to open
and to carry.








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I read this as a sort of answer to the question of how/why does allow suffering & evil. I admittingly read it from a christian point of view (my background) though that is a bit complicated with the reference to the Greek myth in the title. Man opens the jar, but why was there a jar? I am also reminded of guns, possibly because of open and carry, which I associate with gun laws, but also the idea of guns don't kill people, man kills people. I.e you wouldn't blame a gun. But again, I think it speaks to larger ideas of freewill and violence. I also thought, maybe it is the creator who opened the jar? Thnx for sharing!

[url=https://www.focusonthefamily.com/faith/how-can-god-allow-so-much-evil-and-suffering/][/url]
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#5
(01-27-2021, 06:47 PM)Knot Wrote:  .
Pandora's Jar


Who blames the axe
for the fallen tree

or the spear
for the battlefield dead?

Who accuses clay
or the potter's wheel?

Who welcomed us
into your house?

All, I was given
for you

and willed nothing
but was made

to open
and to carry.




.

When his detractors accused Clay, he'd beat them up and say 'name's Ali, b***h'.
But seriously, I don't think the author's fundamental assumption  that people blame the jar and not Pandora, holds water, and that in a way sinks the poem
The last two lines are good: for some reason, they paint a picture of a woman carrying an open jar.
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#6
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Hi Miley,
thanks for the read and your thoughts on the piece. Not entirely sure how many of your questions you actually want answers to (not many is my guess), but here's one that shouldn't disrupt your reading of the piece.
'welcomed' - not sure why that appears darker, it's not intentional. This board does like to play formatting tricks now and again, so maybe that it one.

Must admit I'm struggling to see the gain in removing 'the' (who blames axe / for fallen tree, just seems verging on the illiterate to me) what am I missing?

_____________


Hi Busker,
thanks for the read. Afraid you've got the opposite end of the stick. That people blame Pandora when she is, arguably, as innocent a 'device' as the jar is the peculiarity I was trying to highlight. Both are formed from clay, and both (in their own ways) are made to open. And, of course, no one blames Epimetheus, despite his obvious culpability.


Best, Knot.



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#7
(01-27-2021, 06:47 PM)Knot Wrote:  .
Pandora's Jar


Who blames the axe
for the fallen tree

or the spear
for the battlefield dead? (get rid of the, like what dukealien said)

Who accuses clay
or the potter's wheel?

Who welcomed us
into your house?

All, I was given
for you

and willed nothing
but was made

to open
and to carry.




.

Pretty good, nothing else to say, it is impactful and carries poetic weight. Good job! Though there is a question I want to ask: why does this poem feel like a question in itself? Was that what you were trying to express?
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#8
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Thanks for the read MS.
Short answer, yes.


Best, Knot



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#9
I love this. Perfect. I get the whole concept of being responsible for opening and inviting what you open and invite into your life. We are the creators of our realities and all of its consequences. There is both beauty and terror in this concept. You did a good job of capturing both vibes.

Matthew


(01-27-2021, 06:47 PM)Knot Wrote:  .
Pandora's Jar


Who blames the axe
for the fallen tree

or the spear
for the battlefield dead?

Who accuses clay
or the potter's wheel?

Who welcomed us
into your house?

All, I was given
for you

and willed nothing
but was made

to open
and to carry.




.
Reply
#10
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Thank you very much, Matthew.
Glad you enjoyed the piece.


Best, Knot


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