2nd Annual Poems About Suicide Month
#49
Ok, I'll do it. Dammit. 


Near Perfect




The scars trace spider-web thin across my wrists,
barely visible.
I heard they called in a plastic surgeon
to produce such results.

I wish the cicatrices could scream to the world
for all to see the damage done.

The razor slipped so easily,
I could not feel the slice itself,
only the tug of skin separating and the warmth of
so much blood.

My world faded out
then back in again to IV bags and
soft restraints.

Soon enough I was hauled like cargo
to Woodridge;
a beautiful name to masquerade the atrocities
inside its walls.

Violations of self became the norm;
body cavity searches
and bathrooms with no doors
and always someone watching,
watching.

Sleep deprivation abounded
between 15-minute checks
and a roommate who banged her head against the wall
and word saladed about alien abductions.

I began to pray for her Haldol sedations
and struggled against the urge
to grab a pillow and
make
her
silent.

This, the cure for my delicate mental state.

My mind wanted to assimilate,
to slide over that edge and embrace the fog.
Ironically, something inside me was still fighting.

I learned to play the game quickly,
spout what they want to hear,
not how I truly felt,
allowed them to pry inside my very being.
Exhausted, ashamed,
I submitted.

They say I am sane
now; got papers to prove it.

As if that line were
thin and black
and not a gray fog,
lurking.

I am outlined by red watercolor,
awaiting the rain.
Reply


Messages In This Thread
2nd Annual Poems About Suicide Month - by Todd - 02-16-2015, 10:01 PM
RE: 2nd Annual Poems About Suicide Month - by pinkalligator - 09-15-2016, 01:01 PM
RE: 2nd Annual Poems About Suicide Month - by just mercedes - 02-17-2015, 07:32 AM
RE: 2nd Annual Poems About Suicide Month - by just mercedes - 02-17-2015, 08:04 AM
RE: 2nd Annual Poems About Suicide Month - by bena - 02-22-2015, 11:50 PM
RE: 2nd Annual Poems About Suicide Month - by just mercedes - 04-28-2016, 09:43 AM



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