Lullaby
#3
Wow.  Aside from being good in itself, it reminds me oddly of Poe - the way his lines were sometimes almost total rhymes, or seemed to be.

(04-01-2021, 10:36 PM)Mark A Becker Wrote:  Lullaby

From a
distance
faintly
humming
comes a
presence
gently
thrumming

Passed on
among
my thoughts
your song
is sung
not lost




NOTE:
I hijacked the form of a Petrachan sonnet and stripped it down to monometer, with an a-b-c-d / a-b-c-d / e-f-g / e-f-g loose rhyme scheme, fashioned into an octave with /- accents, and a sestet with -/ accents to imply call and response.  I also wanted the rhyme scheme to follow the musical scale of "A".

Yes, I know I'm bat-shit crazy, and it doesn't qualify as a Petrachan sonnet, but I tortured it anyway, just to see if it was possible. I shouldn't admit that it took 12 years of boiling, simmering, and many iterations to make this one (for my mom, who only ever saw an earlier version before she died).  I finally had to let go of it before it drove me insane, as I realized it was no longer for her, but for me. I may have posted this somewhere before, but I'm putting it in MISC to make sure it's out in the world, so that I'm not tempted to ever mess with it again.
feedback award Non-practicing atheist
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Messages In This Thread
Lullaby - by Mark A Becker - 04-01-2021, 10:36 PM
RE: Lullaby - by Knot - 04-01-2021, 11:57 PM
RE: Lullaby - by Mark A Becker - 04-02-2021, 12:14 AM
RE: Lullaby - by dukealien - 04-02-2021, 12:08 AM
RE: Lullaby - by newsclippings - 04-04-2021, 02:34 PM



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