Draft 2: Always Space
#8
(05-14-2021, 01:15 AM)alexorande Wrote:  TranquillityBase,



Thanks for the input! I agree, wasn't really feeling the song lyrics but I wanted to try it out to see what you guys would say. I appreciated thunderembargo's suggestion tho



As for why "we could" instead of "we will", I wanted the poem to sound more intimate between the n and the reader by having the first line come off as a suggestion rather than an authoritative foretelling of the future (even though the n and their friends going out to grab something to drink and hanging out is what will eventually happen). I think I personally like this beginning better because of that

Don't know if you already know of Ludovico Einaudi, but this is a piece called "Petrichor":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-8xeStLTnhM
"Poetry is the rhythmic, inevitably narrative, movement from an overclothed blindness to a naked vision."  Dylan Thomas
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Messages In This Thread
Draft 2: Always Space - by alexorande - 03-11-2021, 03:19 AM
RE: Always Space - by TranquillityBase - 03-11-2021, 05:05 AM
RE: Always Space - by Majestic Sun - 04-28-2021, 11:16 AM
RE: Always Space - by Thunderembargo - 04-29-2021, 04:17 AM
RE: 2nd Draft: Always Space - by alexorande - 05-13-2021, 01:37 AM
RE: 2nd Draft: Always Space - by TranquillityBase - 05-14-2021, 12:43 AM
RE: 2nd Draft: Always Space - by alexorande - 05-14-2021, 01:15 AM
RE: 2nd Draft: Always Space - by TranquillityBase - 05-14-2021, 01:37 AM
RE: Draft 2: Always Space - by alexorande - 05-19-2021, 02:23 AM
RE: Draft 2: Always Space - by tmanzano - 05-19-2021, 10:01 AM
RE: Draft 2: Always Space - by ZonaIncerta - 06-08-2021, 03:16 AM



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