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Monkeyshine and Crocodile
went out beyond Mechanics Town
to see a fallen sky.
Said Monkeyshine
We’ve gone this far, let’s go another mile,
said Crocodile, I’m too much in love
to walk across a lifeless sky,
let’s wait here for its ghost to appear
and invite it to supper.
Monkeyshine was of another mind
but Crocodile just wouldn’t listen
so he played a game of chain the glass
until the sky would answer why
the sun looked like a cannon.
The sky jumped into cannon’s mouth,
and Monkeyshine and Crocodile
caught a ride on its sermon of fire.
Mechanics Town says it happened this way
but Mechanics Town was built on lies.
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This was certainly fun. I was momentarily in two minds as to whether it might be prose (or could be written as prose) in the manner of a Just So Story. But on second mind (which won out) the themes are not really suitable for prose. They work nicely in verse, though.
Non-practicing atheist
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TranquillityBase,
I notice that this lacks that " rhythmic" quality Dylan Thomas speak of in your sig line. Other than that, this seems a fine nonsense poem.
best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(06-16-2021, 05:43 AM)Erthona Wrote: TranquillityBase,
I notice that this lacks that " rhythmic" quality Dylan Thomas speak of in your sig line. Other than that, this seems a fine nonsense poem.
best,
dale
Do you mean entirely, or something else? I guess I hear a sing-song quality in a lot of the lines, but it's not consistent. A kind of bastard rhythm.
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Monkeyshine and Crocodile
went out beyond Mechanics Town
to see a fallen sky.
Said Monkeyshine This is precisely what poetry should be, in every form, and in every expression: your idea is simultaneously playful, intriguing and profound, the names of the characters and the ideas which they evoke (without directly representing, since you have avoided - THANK GOD, FOR ONCE - literalism and moral testimony) allow the resonating exchange of multifarious meanings and ideations
We’ve gone this far, let’s go another mile,
said Crocodile, I’m too much in love Monkeyshine should seek to provoke Crocodile while Crocodile professes his love, a truth which is indicated by the contrast which you draw, flawlessly ----- Crocodile gives his reasons and then shows his humor by reproducing his chirpy observation as an opportunity to expand his own horizon, while the actual sky
to walk across a lifeless sky,
let’s wait here for its ghost to appear
and invite it to supper. Crocodile is contented and seeks to invite others to enjoy the grandiosity which he engenders
Monkeyshine was of another mind
but Crocodile just wouldn’t listen
so he played a game of chain the glass Here, Crocodile is ready with yet another invention --- one which reverses a spell or some kind of hex or falsely binding context, he knows the perfect cadence or formula for balancing the cosmos in his own formula, and he remains entertained while projecting his healing games and interlocutions
until the sky would answer why
the sun looked like a cannon.
The sky jumped into cannon’s mouth,
and Monkeyshine and Crocodile
caught a ride on its sermon of fire. This line is at the very heart of the mythology of the primitive mind, which is superior ground for all poetry. You seem to have the very mechanism for the rendering of mystery --- it is this kind of writing which your should seek to infuse into all of your work, everything you do. Perfect.
Mechanics Town says it happened this way
but Mechanics Town was built on lies. Everything must then be built on some kind of errant withness or slanted mind, much like crocodile and his chain of glass
plutocratic polyphonous pandering
