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Sermon - Larry - 03-05-2010
among the chapel's purple cloth
and lavender wisps, that haunt
the pews with invisible scent,
i saw you sitting there, alone
through the eyes of one faithless
and while an organist's fast fingertips
dashed, sending sighs of sound
through the lonely home of god,
worshipers, crowding like peasants
left in linear mobs at the final blessing
yet, among the chapel’s statuettes
and stained glass scenery, that let
light arrive in hues of sinking blue
and red blood radiance
i caught a bit of god in you, that day
a bit of God between the wooden walls-
and rosary wrapped fingertips
folded on her frozen lips-
while all around was quiet-
A sermon taught in silence
RE: Sermon - billy - 03-05-2010
(03-05-2010, 04:47 PM)Larry Wrote: among the chapel's purple clothi'm really not keen on churchy poetry but this is different.
and lavender wisps, that haunt
the pews with invisible scent,
i saw you sitting there, alone
through the eyes of one faithless feels awkward.
and while an organist's fast fingertips feels a bit awkward again
dashed, sending sighs of sound
through the lonely home of god, period not comma
worshipers, crowding like peasants
left in linear mobs at the final blessing
yet, among the chapel’s statuettes is yet needed
and stained glass scenery, that let
light arrive in hues of sinking blue
and red blood radiance would blooded be better
i caught a bit of god in you, that day
a bit of God between the wooden walls-
and rosary wrapped fingertips
folded on her frozen lips- folded feels awkward.
while all around was quiet-
A sermon taught in silence taught feels too preachy if you'll excuse the pun.
i really enjoyed it. as usual you use imagery very well.
needs only a small edit. well worth the read. thank you for not using beautiful in it
i think it's def a keeper.you have a cap A all on it's own which i'm sure is a mistake
RE: Sermon - addy - 03-08-2010
Wonderful. It's been said over and over but you really have a way with words, and have a talent at capturing stories in little moments.Good job.
(03-05-2010, 04:47 PM)Larry Wrote: among the chapel's purple cloth
and lavender wisps, that haunt
the pews with invisible scent, Maybe these three lines could be rewritten somehow? As it is now, the line breaking interrupts the train of meaning at around line 2
i saw you sitting there, alone
through the eyes of one faithless
and while an organist's fast fingertips
dashed, sending sighs of sound very minor quible, but I don't think an organ would sound like a sigh...
through the lonely home of god,
worshipers, crowding like peasants
left in linear mobs at the final blessing
yet, among the chapel’s statuettes
and stained glass scenery, that let
light arrive in hues of sinking blue
and red blood radiance
i caught a bit of god in you, that day really liked this
a bit of God between the wooden walls-
and rosary wrapped fingertips
folded on her frozen lips-
while all around was quiet-
A sermon taught in silence