Poetry Forum
3-10-24 - Printable Version

+- Poetry Forum (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com)
+-- Forum: Poetry Forum (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/forum-1.html)
+--- Forum: Haiku, Senryu, Short Form Poetry. (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/forum-58.html)
+--- Thread: 3-10-24 (/thread-25505.html)



3-10-24 - Tiger the Lion - 03-11-2024

Edit (Duke)

no winter this year
and while the glaciers suffered--
suicides declined


Original

no winter this year
and while the glaciers got fucked--
suicides declined

Thanks Duke.


RE: 3-10-24 - dukealien - 03-11-2024

The point is clear and pungent enough, but maybe "lost out" ... ?

From where I'm sitting, it wasn't so much no winter (plenty of that in Dec-Jan, and darned frigid) as an early Spring.  Which means all those averted suicides will be lining up at the gas stoves, airtight garages and overpasses "for love" in a few weeks.


RE: 3-10-24 - Tiger the Lion - 03-12-2024

(03-11-2024, 09:32 PM)dukealien Wrote:  The point is clear and pungent enough, but maybe "lost out" ... ?

From where I'm sitting, it wasn't so much no winter (plenty of that in Dec-Jan, and darned frigid) as an early Spring.  Which means all those averted suicides will be lining up at the gas stoves, airtight garages and overpasses "for love" in a few weeks.
Thanks Duke. Here it feels like winter gave up trying. Edit posted.


RE: 3-10-24 - dukealien - 03-12-2024

(03-12-2024, 04:46 AM)Tiger the Lion Wrote:  
(03-11-2024, 09:32 PM)dukealien Wrote:  The point is clear and pungent enough, but maybe "lost out" ... ?

From where I'm sitting, it wasn't so much no winter (plenty of that in Dec-Jan, and darned frigid) as an early Spring.  Which means all those averted suicides will be lining up at the gas stoves, airtight garages and overpasses "for love" in a few weeks.
Thanks Duke. Here it feels like winter gave up trying. Edit posted.
Like the edit - implies a transfer from the suffering non-suicides.  Good connection.


RE: 3-10-24 - busker - 03-12-2024

I feel that the 'no winter' should be the punchline.
Something like the one below, but 'suffered' and 'declined' are insufficiently poetic

the glaciers suffered
but suicides declined --
no winter this year


RE: 3-10-24 - Michaelpoet - 03-19-2024

The earth suffered, but humanity benefits. Nice piece.