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mor then ded (retro) - TranquillityBase - 09-18-2022 I forget the exact prompt for this, but it was something about writing a poem in a different form of English. This is an attempt to write a poem in a post-apocalyptic English a la Russell Hoban's Riddley Walker: thers no poent init inimor no poent in ohpning eis to shur sky so blu so symple not myn inimor than roks or wyld dog sun go all wun, go daun ta river bank see thuh drown men, seen bi all floatng in grean waterd road wher sypris pray daun to ruuts if simpl simon sez so, ruuts groan bak to bak an sauer the erth dog grawls the fyr bak into ded bodied far away horisen, haf a wurld befor in fayth with lost mynds now brokn speers, where rat senks teeth inits owen ded, an ther sweet breth spreds lyk rottn clawth wythout RE: mor then ded (retro) - ZHamilton - 09-21-2022 (09-18-2022, 10:29 PM)TranquillityBase Wrote: I forget the exact prompt for this, but it was something about writing a poem in a different form of English. This is an attempt to write a poem in a post-apocalyptic English a la Russell Hoban's Riddley Walker:An interesting prompt, indeed! There are certainly pitfalls in trying in offering a critique of a piece written in a language one doesn't speak, but I'll proceed...I'm working on the assumption that you did not intend a one to one translation of modern English words to the post-apocalyptic version. (I could not discern a clear meaning for some individual words- whorisen?) But, taken as a whole, it carries the strong imagery and tone throughout. It struck me, perhaps surprisingly, as a hopeful work. Hopeful in that there will still be poems, and poets, on the other side of the apocalypse. RE: mor then ded (retro) - TranquillityBase - 09-21-2022 (09-21-2022, 01:51 AM)ZHamilton Wrote: An interesting prompt, indeed! There are certainly pitfalls in trying in offering a critique of a piece written in a language one doesn't speak, but I'll proceed...I'm working on the assumption that you did not intend a one to one translation of modern English words to the post-apocalyptic version. (I could not discern a clear meaning for some individual words- whorisen?) But, taken as a whole, it carries the strong imagery and tone throughout. It struck me, perhaps surprisingly, as a hopeful work. Hopeful in that there will still be poems, and poets, on the other side of the apocalypse.Thanks for giving it a go. I've already edited "whorisen" to "horisen". Actually I was trying for an almost one to one translation, so any places that were unclear, I'd like to hear about. I may add a translation as a spoiler? Not sure. TqB |