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+--- Forum: Haiku, Senryu, Short Form Poetry. (https://www.pigpenpoetry.com/forum-58.html)
+--- Thread: < summer haiku, quantity 1, date: 2017-05-24 > (/thread-20402.html)
< summer haiku, quantity 1, date: 2017-05-24 > - rayheinrich - 05-25-2017
stop laughing!
life is serious -
as serious as this puppy
puppy is a summer kigo
RE: summer haiku, quantity 1, date: 2017-05-24 - ellajam - 05-25-2017
I don't know, do you need the second "as serious"? Love the sentiment, though, and those puppy eyes.
RE: summer haiku, quantity 1, date: 2017-05-24 - rayheinrich - 05-25-2017
(05-25-2017, 08:19 AM)ellajam Wrote: I don't know, do you need the second "as serious"? Love the sentiment, though, and those puppy eyes.
No, I don't -- as far as meaning goes. But the extra time it takes to read it gives that line an added emphasis,
a rhythm that for whose sake, I think, is worth compromising the elegant simplicity of haiku*.
*Besides, this really isn't a haiku, it's a fauxku that I just decided to call a haiku because
I'm a writer and all writers just love to lie. If you doubt this, just have a look at Faulkner,
Brontë, Salinger, Austen, Tolstoy... on and on. Those famous novels that they wrote?
They made them all up!
RE: summer haiku, quantity 1, date: 2017-05-24 - ellajam - 05-25-2017
I wasn't concerned with any poetry rules, it's just the repeat in so small a space wasn't appealing. Though puppy eyes are appealing however they show up as long as I don't have to take them home permanently. Like kids.
Maybe it will grow on me.
RE: summer haiku, quantity 1, date: 2017-05-24 - rayheinrich - 05-25-2017
(05-25-2017, 08:15 PM)ellajam Wrote: I wasn't concerned with any poetry rules, it's just the repeat in so small a space wasn't appealing. Though puppy eyes are appealing however they show up as long as I don't have to take them home permanently. Like kids.
Grow on you? Now you're talking about ringworm...
one of our family dogs got it, back in the day -- gave it to my sister.
We called her "wormhead"... then she gave it to the rest of us.
RE: < summer haiku, quantity 1, date: 2017-05-24 > - Lynn Mary - 04-02-2025
I love this!