03-18-2013, 11:29 AM
03-18-2013, 03:11 PM
This is a meditation poem, yes? A rather difficult topic to versify, so pretty good effort. I enjoyed the last line especially - to obtain extreme calm, and then bring a bit of it back with you into the world - is a great thing.
Of course, I may well be misinterpreting. Although I don't think it likely.
You could also do without capitalizing each line. It kind of bothered my reading, since the lines looked like new sentences when not all of them were.
Mikey.
Of course, I may well be misinterpreting. Although I don't think it likely.
Quote:Just Breath
Sheltering from tactile revelations,
My thoughts seek inward toward that solitude
Which like a tranquil garden flourishes <-- break after garden, I think.
Upon the energy Promethean
Fanned into life by every breath’s ellipse <-- ellipse catches the motion well.
Around the seven mystical soul stars.
I breathe, and as upon susurrus winds,
My spirit follows this intent to where, <-- what does your spirit look like. What did your face look like before your parents were born?
Beneath a cloak of flowers, small and white, <-- like the image of flowers. Why that kind of flower (just curious about your choice, is all).
The garden’s timeless heart keeps perfect time.
And when I must depart, I will retain
The scent of small white flowers in my hair.
You could also do without capitalizing each line. It kind of bothered my reading, since the lines looked like new sentences when not all of them were.
Mikey.
03-18-2013, 04:25 PM
Thank you, Mikey.
I suppose this is essentially, but certainly not consciously, a meditation poem. The crux is actually far more personal, but I felt the poem would be viable and relate-able anyway.
I have noticed that the poets here all have issues with my use of capitalization. My question in regard to this is "How, then, do you enjoy any classic poetry"? I read a wonderful article about this concept by Alberto Rios, a modern American poet, not some archaic relic from the eighteenth century...let me show you a small portion of this essay as an explanation of my own personal feelings:
"Regardless of how we might feel about the historical aspects of this now, the fact is that--in the same way that capitalizing became the standard originally--not capitalizing now has the majority of practitioners. One would hope, however, that these poets are acting out of choice, rather than habit or lack of knowledge. Capitalizing the first word in a line is one of the traditional tools of poetry writing, and using or not using it is a decision that a poet should make after some consideration. But whatever the decision, the practice today is clearly personal.
In my own writing, I do capitalize the first word in lines of poems. This is my own decision about my own work, and not anything more. Fashionable or not, I myself have found meaning in doing so, and meaning is something to value wherever we find it. For my own part, I capitalize letters at the beginning of each line:
· to remind myself that I am writing a poem;
· to underscore to myself the integrity of the line, which is after all what distinguishes poetry from all other literary genres;
· to connect myself to history for a very brief moment before I go on to say what I myself have to say now;
· to give each line--however subtle--its own authority;
· to suggest that, although I may be telling a story, it is not a regular story, and certainly not prose;
· to make my enjambment have to work honestly, and to give my end-stopped lines greater Moment;
· to build up thoughtful pacing in a poem, suggesting or invoking a little more strongly all the reasons we break lines to begin with--breath, heartbeat, dramatic intention;
· to recognize this use of the shift key as a self-conscious act, which raises the stakes for everyone and everything--the poem, the poet, and the reader;
· to do more work in this small moment, knowing that work makes more things happen;
· to rhyme--that is, to use this recurring, predictable device of capitalization in the ways that poems have often used many devices, such as rhyme, to give structure and sensibility to the poem; knowing that I'm going to capitalize the first word in each line gives all my poems at least some rudimentary structure;
· to understand that a poem cannot be contained--rather, it launches outward and away from what we know; that is, capitalizing the first letter of a line can be predicted and controlled ahead of time, but that's all that can be controlled, so that the poem, each line of the way, is launched, and this launching, this kicking away from the shore of the left margin is always an act of power, imagination, and adventure."
I suppose this is essentially, but certainly not consciously, a meditation poem. The crux is actually far more personal, but I felt the poem would be viable and relate-able anyway.
I have noticed that the poets here all have issues with my use of capitalization. My question in regard to this is "How, then, do you enjoy any classic poetry"? I read a wonderful article about this concept by Alberto Rios, a modern American poet, not some archaic relic from the eighteenth century...let me show you a small portion of this essay as an explanation of my own personal feelings:
"Regardless of how we might feel about the historical aspects of this now, the fact is that--in the same way that capitalizing became the standard originally--not capitalizing now has the majority of practitioners. One would hope, however, that these poets are acting out of choice, rather than habit or lack of knowledge. Capitalizing the first word in a line is one of the traditional tools of poetry writing, and using or not using it is a decision that a poet should make after some consideration. But whatever the decision, the practice today is clearly personal.
In my own writing, I do capitalize the first word in lines of poems. This is my own decision about my own work, and not anything more. Fashionable or not, I myself have found meaning in doing so, and meaning is something to value wherever we find it. For my own part, I capitalize letters at the beginning of each line:
· to remind myself that I am writing a poem;
· to underscore to myself the integrity of the line, which is after all what distinguishes poetry from all other literary genres;
· to connect myself to history for a very brief moment before I go on to say what I myself have to say now;
· to give each line--however subtle--its own authority;
· to suggest that, although I may be telling a story, it is not a regular story, and certainly not prose;
· to make my enjambment have to work honestly, and to give my end-stopped lines greater Moment;
· to build up thoughtful pacing in a poem, suggesting or invoking a little more strongly all the reasons we break lines to begin with--breath, heartbeat, dramatic intention;
· to recognize this use of the shift key as a self-conscious act, which raises the stakes for everyone and everything--the poem, the poet, and the reader;
· to do more work in this small moment, knowing that work makes more things happen;
· to rhyme--that is, to use this recurring, predictable device of capitalization in the ways that poems have often used many devices, such as rhyme, to give structure and sensibility to the poem; knowing that I'm going to capitalize the first word in each line gives all my poems at least some rudimentary structure;
· to understand that a poem cannot be contained--rather, it launches outward and away from what we know; that is, capitalizing the first letter of a line can be predicted and controlled ahead of time, but that's all that can be controlled, so that the poem, each line of the way, is launched, and this launching, this kicking away from the shore of the left margin is always an act of power, imagination, and adventure."