I’ve roared at the Red Lion,
puked in the Potter’s Wheel,
cadged fags in the Duck and Firkin,
smoked dimps from the Slippery Eel.
I’ve slumped in the Merry Sloop,
slipped in the Pied Bulls bogs,
lost a fiver to the Golden Fleece,
drunk dregs from others pots.
Fell down steps in the Tumbling Deice,
got thrown out of the Slaughtered Lamb,
cut my head in the Splintered Barrel,
and was beaten by the Green Man.
I coughed blood in the Poacher’s Pocket,
started shaking in the Queens Arms,
stripped naked in the Cock and Sparrow,
waltzed in the List and Brahms.
Slept rough in the Railway Tavern,
found cirrhosis of the quill and quiver,
smelled like shit in the Pig and Truffle,
lost it all in the Stand and Deliver.
My name is;
and I've been sober for 63 days
and 11 hours.
(02-17-2013, 10:54 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote: [ -> ]I’ve roared at the Red Lion,
puked in the Potter’s Wheel,
cadged fags in the Duck and Firkin,
smoked dimps from the Slippery Eel.
I’ve slumped in the Merry Sloop,
slipped in the Pied Bulls bogs,
lost a fiver to the Golden Fleece,
drunk dregs from others pots.
Fell down steps in the Tumbling Deice,
got thrown out of the Slaughtered Lamb,
cut my head in the Splintered Barrel,
and was beaten by the Green Man.
I coughed blood in the Poacher’s Pocket,
started shaking in the Queens Arms,
stripped naked in the Cock and Sparrow,
waltzed in the List and Brahms.
Slept rough in the Railway Tavern,
found cirrhosis of the quill and quiver,
smelled like shit in the Pig and Truffle,
lost it all in the Stand and Deliver.
My name is;
and I’m an alcoholic
Well, they're all names of pubs if I'm not wrong. There's a very nice rhythm to the whole poem, and I especially like the word choices. It illustrates a slow descent, and while there's much I can critique on, the last stanza stands out for me. Personally I'd change the last line to 'and I'm not drunk!' or something along those lines, but it makes the poem come alive nonetheless. The last stanza gives the poem a more personal touch to it, and it's a thoroughly enjoyable read. Hope I'm of help! =)
It starts off quite a fun and humorous poem...but ends on a very serious note! Really like the turn around. Think the fun part will 'draw' the reader in, then leaves them with a message at the end. Rhythm is good, but I think there were a few lines here and there that just needed the rhythm tidying up to flow better, but overall rhythm good
Not sure about the last 2 lines...yes it is what helps get the message across...but, just doesn't seem to fit in.
Really clever and creative poem
(02-17-2013, 02:13 PM)brandontoh Wrote: [ -> ] (02-17-2013, 10:54 AM)TimeOnMyHands Wrote: [ -> ]I’ve roared at the Red Lion,
puked in the Potter’s Wheel,
cadged fags in the Duck and Firkin,
smoked dimps from the Slippery Eel.
I’ve slumped in the Merry Sloop,
slipped in the Pied Bulls bogs,
lost a fiver to the Golden Fleece,
drunk dregs from others pots.
Fell down steps in the Tumbling Deice,
got thrown out of the Slaughtered Lamb,
cut my head in the Splintered Barrel,
and was beaten by the Green Man.
I coughed blood in the Poacher’s Pocket,
started shaking in the Queens Arms,
stripped naked in the Cock and Sparrow,
waltzed in the List and Brahms.
Slept rough in the Railway Tavern,
found cirrhosis of the quill and quiver,
smelled like shit in the Pig and Truffle,
lost it all in the Stand and Deliver.
My name is;
and I’m an alcoholic
Well, they're all names of pubs if I'm not wrong. There's a very nice rhythm to the whole poem, and I especially like the word choices. It illustrates a slow descent, and while there's much I can critique on, the last stanza stands out for me. Personally I'd change the last line to 'and I'm not drunk!' or something along those lines, but it makes the poem come alive nonetheless. The last stanza gives the poem a more personal touch to it, and it's a thoroughly enjoyable read. Hope I'm of help! =)
Thank you for your considered comments, I have used them for the edit, cheers TOMH
(02-18-2013, 02:29 AM)hobbit86 Wrote: [ -> ]It starts off quite a fun and humorous poem...but ends on a very serious note! Really like the turn around. Think the fun part will 'draw' the reader in, then leaves them with a message at the end. Rhythm is good, but I think there were a few lines here and there that just needed the rhythm tidying up to flow better, but overall rhythm good
Not sure about the last 2 lines...yes it is what helps get the message across...but, just doesn't seem to fit in.
Really clever and creative poem
Thanks Hobbit66 I have had a tweekwith the ending, cheers TOMH