I was thinking about how your hair smelled when my
text rang said
"he's not responding, could you give him a call?"
I imagined the words in another setting, like a hospital
but this was a request for money due
and then I relapsed
it was interesting, pungent, not bad
day old follicles
[the scent was yours]
day old lingering cologne
[the scent was hers]
day old ash, wetter from dew (you said you stopped smoking)
[the scent was mine]
you were distinct
in that you always lit my cig(a.r.e.t.t.e)
with disdain
--
my phone's been shaking violent
like a horny woman in bed
who masturbates when she bleeds
next to a hardened lover
and a cold duvet.
This feels kind of surrealistic. Is it meant to be that way?
(01-17-2013, 01:26 AM)newsclippings Wrote: [ -> ]I was thinking about how your hair smelled when my
text rang said
"he's not responding, could you give him a call?"
I imagined the words in another setting, like a hospital
but this was a request for money due
and then I relapsed
it was interesting, pungent, not bad
day old follicles
[the scent was yours]
day old lingering cologne
[the scent was hers]
day old ash, wetter from dew (you said you stopped smoking)
[the scent was mine]
you were distinct
in that you always lit my cig(a.r.e.t.t.e)
with disdain
--
my phone's been shaking violent
like a horny woman in bed
who masturbates when she bleeds
next to a hardened lover
and a cold duvet.
All but the last stanza read in a way that's at once interesting and a little confusing. I feel like that's a good thing. The style made me pay attention and wonder why lines were broken as they are and what the last six letters of cigarette might be an acronym for. But I'm not really sure that's why they're broken up to being with. So, lots of interest here.
The block where the scents are described makes me feel like I've been let into something very intimate. Lovely.
The last block is just fabulous. It's sad and provocative and drops the reader right in the middle of the story while being at the end of the poem. It leaves a feeling of "more".
The letters at the end of cigarette (a.r.e.t.t.e) I thought to be like the scene in alice in wonderland, where letters came out in smoke puffs one after another.
The poem's really just about how I often get lost in thought and notice things that are happening (like my phone ringing) but have no regard for them what-so-ever.
I hope I didn't kill any further meaning for y'all.
Can you blow an 'e' or a 't'? I'd like to see that.
?
R
U
The cartoon, not the Johnny Depp thing. And the book, it might not happen in the book, I forget.
I can blow a lot of things.
I was Johnny Depp for Hallowe'en one year. Well, I was Ed Wood, I guess there's a difference.
I see how you clung onto that word "thing" in my post, when you made your reply.
Nothing like a lewd innuendo to compliment my afternoon tea.
Well you started it. I was talking about Disney movies...
So yeah, I guess I started it.