I wonder if anyone except my girlfriend can analyze this the way I meant it... Hmm
He
He is the one who told us all those lies.
He, the bard.
He is the one who blinded us with all those cries.
He, the servant.
He is the one who tricked us with a prize.
He, the snake.
And the blood was spilt
And the name was writ
As, the glorious He rises.
As the one who is He
is... I.
(01-11-2013, 08:29 AM)Sonata Wrote: [ -> ]I wonder if anyone except my girlfriend can analyze this the way I meant it... Hmm
He
He is the one who told us all those lies.
He, the bard.
He is the one who blinded us with all those cries.
He, the servant.
He is the one who tricked us with a prize.
He, the snake.
And the blood was spilt
And the name was writ
As, the glorious He rises.
As the one who is He
is... I.
it doesn't need all the he's.
Quote:He, the servant.
He is the one who tricked us with a prize.
He, the snake.
Could this be a reference to Satan?
Haha, I don't know.
Forgive me if that was wrong.
But I really do like this poem.
1.Yep, it does need all the he's that's the point
.
2. Nah, not satan, but u're on the right track, try thinking figuratively
I guess the whole point of this piece is 'who is he?'
To work out the riddle I need clues and as I'm not especially clever the clues need to be simple.
As N uses "us" throughout S1 I'd have thought the inferences would be equally true to me as N. I have trouble with all three. He's a bard who lies; does this mean all bards? Are you implying 'artistic licence' is equivalent to telling lies?
I have no conception of 'blinding cries'. 'Cries' doesn't seem strong enough to describe the anguish of being a servant, 'blinding' doesn't modify 'cries' enough for me, mainly because it seems impossible and therefore does nothing.
Having been tricked by him too my impression is of someone I need to be wary of.
The couplet which follows adds little to my solving of the riddle.
Throughout the piece I was reluctant to let the capital H deflect me toward a deity but who else can it be given your choice of words such as 'glorious' and 'rises'?
Then you tell us in your denouement it's actually you!
I bet your girlfriend got it first time!
Overall - i think the piece tries too hard to be mysterious, deep and meaningful - in a poetic way.
A final comment on your opening statement... analysis of a poem and a critique of a poem are different exercises, analysis would require some of the info about you that your g/f has, critiquing just requires the poem, so that's what I've tried to do, limiting myself to content rather than technique.
Well, I'll play just for the hell of it:
(01-11-2013, 08:29 AM)Sonata Wrote: [ -> ]I wonder if anyone except my girlfriend can analyze this the way I meant it... Hmm
He
He is the one who told us all those lies.--possibly Satan or God if you want to get tricky.
He, the bard.--a name we associate with Shakespeare...so it could be a writer.
He is the one who blinded us with all those cries.--blinded with cries, a bit odd. No idea from this. It could be the idea of suffering on a cross which I take from later lines
He, the servant.--Christ, Satan in his pre-fall state
He is the one who tricked us with a prize.--again could be Satan, could be God (again depending on the speaker's perspective
He, the snake.--direct imagery for Satan though if it's being ironic God
And the blood was spilt
And the name was writ--possibly crucifixion imagery
As, the glorious He rises.--possibly resurrection imagery
As the one who is He
is... I.--possibly indwelling imagery
I'll go with Christ on this one.
Just addressing the question in this one.
so you're not a Satanist then
seriously, (puzzle poetry like this) i find it tedious to read, unless i bought a book of puzzles and crosswords and this was in it. and here we are all guessing "who it is" or trying to work out who it is. this should be in the for fun or the miscellaneous forums. no edit will be done, pete ak hit the nail on the head.
this is not a poem that requires critique
any more poetry put up with the type of request this one has will be moved to a more suitable forum. possibly the pig's arse.
and it's mick jagger
it might be just you, who messed things up.^^
This girlfriend you so gratuitously refer to. Who is she?
Or should I say...Who is He?
Go ahead and tell her I said that, I don't care.
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together...
I'll talk about this more after
Just wanna say
It's about alter ego - from my point of view, some of you were right on some points when you said it's Christ or Satan...
Alter ego is suppose to be your "friend" a part of you, from my point of view alter ego can also be evil or whatever.
Bard - people are often weak whilst listening to a song they like, especially when a "master of all songs" sings them one they love, they are easily lied to, when they believe
Servent - someone who serves u, who is loyal to u, and people are often blind when someone cries, they just want to help, and when someone who is loyal to u, who u already believe lies to u, you are easily deceived
Snake - through ages a symbol of a lie, of satan...
Spilt blood is just a "figure" here, not a real blood, just something horrible happening to yourself
Writ name, is something that is shown to you, while you're trying to think about who actually tricked you, fooled you
Glorious He just states everything already said
And one who is He is also yourself = a part of you.
Here you go