(First revision)
Asunder flowers
of rosin bloom
Deceiving and tranquil
like pale faced moons.
*Original version was me trying to remember how I wrote it... as it was years ago.
*It is talking about a persons eyes.
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Asunder flowered
a rosen blue
deceiving and tranquil
like pale faced moons.
I do not like to see poems without comments, but I am afraid I do not follow you, ckeo.
Asunder as I understand it is an adjective or adverb and here you seem to be using it as a noun. In L2 'rosen blue' - I know there are blue roses, but a rosy blue makes no sense to me. I apologize for not being more helpful.
(07-23-2011, 07:19 AM)Aish Wrote: [ -> ]I do not like to see poems without comments, but I am afraid I do not follow you, ckeo.
Asunder as I understand it is an adjective or adverb and here you seem to be using it as a noun. In L2 'rosen blue' - I know there are blue roses, but a rosy blue makes no sense to me. I apologize for not being more helpful.
Sorry, I edited it... it is now closer to how I originally wrote it.
It has a special meaning to myself so the wording may not make much sense to others.
My name is Craig.
(07-22-2011, 01:20 PM)ckeo Wrote: [ -> ](First revision)
Asunder flowers
of rosin bloom
Deceiving and tranquil
like pale faced moons.
*Original version was me trying to remember how I wrote it... as it was years ago.
*It is talking about a persons eyes.
-------------------------
Asunder flowered
a rosen blue
deceiving and tranquil
like pale faced moons.
footnotes telling what the poems about don't really work for me,
the last two lines work but i struggle with the 1st two
sorry i can't be more helpful