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Hi,

How's about a pantoum? Any takers?
Pantoums are some of my favorites
The ridiculous amount of repetition
Stretching out a story like it's
In a poetry forum for fun.

The ridiculous amount of repetition
Can take you in many directions
In a poetry forum for fun
Or a more reckless pursuit of perfection

Can take you in many directions
Backwards forwards second guesses
Or a more reckless pursuit of perfection
Preferring at times trails of word messes

Backwards forwards second guesses
No other form captures my train of thought
Preferring at times trails of word messes
Like whether I'll actually do it or not

No other form captures my train of thought
In a way that leaves me satisfied
Like whether I'll actually do it or not
Better left in garbage shoot ride

In a way that leaves me satisfied
Stretching out a story like it's
Better left in a garbage shoot ride
Pantoums are some of my favorites
When the first plane hit the tower
Hundreds of them died instantly
Overwhelmed by surprise powers
All affairs now viewed differently

Hundreds of them died instantly
Hundreds more died slower, falling
All affairs now viewed differently
Family members frantic, calling

Hundreds more died slower, falling,
burning, the second plane crashes
Family members frantic, calling
Already covered in ashes

Burning, the second plane crashes
People jumping out of windows
Already covered in ashes
Tears on the ground while the sky glows

People jumping out of windows
Televized worldwide for terror
Tears on the ground while the sky glows
No accounting human error

Televized worldwide for terror
Overwhelmed by surprise powers
No accounting human error
When the first plane hit the tower

Thank you all for coming out tonight
Our first act is a real straight shooter
If you've seen em before you know I'm right
Of course all his songs are about cooter

Our first act is a real straight shooter
It's a country rock bar what do you expect
Of course all his songs are about cooter
Its only 15 minutes just wait whats next

It's a country rock bar what do you expect
The second guy will try and croon Sinatra
Its only 15 minutes just wait whats next
A solo electric guitar looped mantra

The second guy will try and croon Sinatra
There's lots more booze so we can all join in
A solo electric guitar looped mantra
A lady rappin a poem she wrote then

There's lots more booze so we can all join in
The fun goes on as more people sign up
A lady rappin a poem she wrote then
Random jams til we close, yup

The fun goes on as more people sign up
If you've seen em before you know I'm right
Random jams til we close, yup
Thank you all for coming out tonight
Thanks, TqB. I'm not religious, but I like that pantoum.

CRNDLSM, great stuff. Yes, it's a ridiculous amount of repetition, but sort of fun. I think I like your country rock bar pantoum best.

Mine's a bit rubbish, I'm afraid, but I enjoyed writing it.


In the grounds of our block on a mild mid-May morn
there's the sound of a small yet a mighty machine:
Gardener Bill is out, mowing the round lower lawn;
pigeons watch from the beech trees, their amber eyes keen.

There's the sound of a small yet a mighty machine
with a motor revolving a circular blade;
pigeons watch from the beech trees, their amber eyes keen;
squirrels stand up and twirl in the conifer glade.

With a motor revolving a circular blade,
it's one hour to complete this rotational chore;
squirrels stand up and twirl in the conifer glade,
while a spiralling rook-flock calls out an awed "Caw!"

It's one hour to complete this rotational chore;
we fire up an electric ring, start making tea,
while a spiralling rook-flock calls out an awed "Caw!";
there'll be biscuits for Bill, choccy Hobs, two or three.

We fire up an electric ring, start making tea;
Gardener Bill is out, mowing the round lower lawn;
there'll be biscuits for Bill, choccy Hobs, two or three,
in the grounds of our block on a mild mid-Bay morn.
Too Much Was Said In the House of God

Too much was said in the house of God.
But when I looked around for the people,
They said that I was doomed to die.
What was that all about? Am I forsaken?

Some of them went down to Home Depot.
To invest in plywood to board their church.
They are on the borderline of procrastination.
But have the courage to walk the earth again.

The people were quiet as a mouse,
When I heard God tell me all has been said.
Yet I had the courage to walk the earth again.
Now I pray for the smell of smoke to purify.
Now try a pantoum majestic
(05-11-2021, 06:12 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: [ -> ]Now try a pantoum majestic

That was a pantoum, according to my Handbook of Poetic Forms that is how you write one. It's not as long as you guys but I hope it works here.
Poems keep me sane
I dreamed I was Harpo at his grapefruit ranch
The grapefruits were good that year
Now they tell me Picnic at Hanging Rock is fiction

I dreamed I was Harpo at his grapefruit ranch
My secret nymph was mowing the yard in her swimsuit
Now they tell me Picnic at Hanging Rock is fiction
Outside of that, life is a can of peaches

My secret nymph was mowing the yard in her swimsuit
In dreams I walk and talk to her
Outside of that, life is a can of peaches
Unopened, like a captured dawn

In dreams I walk and talk to her
The grapefruits were good that year
Unopened, like a captured dawn
Poems keep me sane
(05-11-2021, 06:35 AM)Majestic Sun Wrote: [ -> ]That was a pantoum, according to my Handbook of Poetic Forms that is how you write one. It's not as long as you guys but I hope it works here.

What about the repeating lines? What is a pantoum?
(05-11-2021, 08:32 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-11-2021, 06:35 AM)Majestic Sun Wrote: [ -> ]That was a pantoum, according to my Handbook of Poetic Forms that is how you write one. It's not as long as you guys but I hope it works here.

What about the repeating lines? What is a pantoum?

I could write another one and scrap this, would that be okay?
Is it okay? I don't know it's poetry for fun, save it or lose it that's all up to you, but write another one anyway
(05-11-2021, 09:54 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: [ -> ]Is it okay?  I don't know it's poetry for fun, save it or lose it that's all up to you, but write another one anyway

Ok, I'll write it here.
Hey Leaf, keep these coming.  They are poetic viagra for me.  First poem I've written in days.
Here is a short one, I did my best to create a repetitive line by line but I may have failed.

You were the one with that strange glow.
Radiating across that foul wharf of a place.
Leave me to quicken my pace towards you.
I need to love someone as beautiful as you.

Radiating across that fowl wharf of a place.
You were the one with that strange glow.
I need to love someone as beautiful as you.
Leave me to quicken my pace towards you.

You were the one with that strange glow.
I have to leave you to the hungry fishes.
Leave me to quicken my pace towards you.
I need to love someone as beautiful as you.

Radiating across that foul wharf of a place.
I have to leave you to the hungry fishes.
Leave me to quicken my pace towards you.
I need to love someone as beautiful as you.
(05-11-2021, 10:09 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote: [ -> ]Hey Leaf, keep these coming.  They are poetic viagra for me.  First poem I've written in days.
I agree. Spontaneous prompts are always welcome. They keep members writing and exchanging ideas when they might otherwise have little left in the tank. Nice to see you guys not hungover from April.  Thumbsup
(05-11-2021, 02:06 PM)Tiger the Lion Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-11-2021, 10:09 AM)TranquillityBase Wrote: [ -> ]Hey Leaf, keep these coming.  They are poetic viagra for me.  First poem I've written in days.

I agree. Spontaneous prompts are always welcome. They keep members writing and exchanging ideas when they might otherwise have little left in the tank. Nice to see you guys not hungover from April.  Thumbsup

Well, to be fair I was a little bit out of creative juice from all my poems during April.
I wouldn't be surprised if we're all feeling a bit rundown after April, Majestic Sun. But you can take as much time as you like with these prompts. By the way, would it be okay if I called you 'Maj'? Or 'M-Sun', maybe?

I see CRNDLSM mentioned that your first poem on this thread wasn't a pantoum. I'm afraid the second isn't either, but you're on the right track. You could take a look at TqB's pantoum, as he's written one with four verses (and a very good one too).

I can certainly keep up the prompts and of course others can too  Thumbsup
(05-12-2021, 04:17 AM)Leaf Wrote: [ -> ]I wouldn't be surprised if we're all feeling a bit rundown after April, Majestic Sun. But you can take as much time as you like with these prompts. By the way, would it be okay if I called you 'Maj'? Or 'M-Sun', maybe?

I see CRNDLSM mentioned that your first poem on this thread wasn't a pantoum. I'm afraid the second isn't either, but you're on the right track. You could take a look at TqB's pantoum, as he's written one with four verses (and a very good one too).

I can certainly keep up the prompts and of course others can too  Thumbsup

I wanted to count his second one, he just chose his second stanzas second line to be the first stanzas first line.  I think technically it counts (maybe a poor choice for a pattern) but I'd never thought to do one so simple, and am surprised there's not a bunch already on the internet like it.
(05-12-2021, 04:17 AM)Leaf Wrote: [ -> ]I wouldn't be surprised if we're all feeling a bit rundown after April, Majestic Sun. But you can take as much time as you like with these prompts. By the way, would it be okay if I called you 'Maj'? Or 'M-Sun', maybe?

I see CRNDLSM mentioned that your first poem on this thread wasn't a pantoum. I'm afraid the second isn't either, but you're on the right track. You could take a look at TqB's pantoum, as he's written one with four verses (and a very good one too).

I can certainly keep up the prompts and of course others can too  Thumbsup

So, are you saying I need to write a different one? I guess my book was telling me lies. You can call me Maj by the way.
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