01-09-2021, 12:24 PM
01-09-2021, 12:39 PM
I think it's better without the 'some', which makes it strangely specific.
The human narrator and the dog are searching for different scents. The former, for the rich smell of humifying leaves and rotting flowers, the latter for the wee marks of other dogs. And scent has a strong association with memory, both human and canine. There's also the intriguing (although a bit contrived) possibility of the owner having recovered from a bout of the Wuhan virus.
The human narrator and the dog are searching for different scents. The former, for the rich smell of humifying leaves and rotting flowers, the latter for the wee marks of other dogs. And scent has a strong association with memory, both human and canine. There's also the intriguing (although a bit contrived) possibility of the owner having recovered from a bout of the Wuhan virus.
01-10-2021, 08:11 AM
Well expressed. I liked "the" before "trail," suggesting it may be the only one (the all-encompassing Way). Also "scents," perhaps punning on the viewpoint character's search for meaning (sense) in things. The sibilants in the last line are also nice.
01-20-2021, 04:08 AM
Thanks folks-
I appreciate your reactions to this short piece, and once it's cut loose, any interpretation is in the eye (ear, nose) of the reader.
I'm always interested in trying to work within a specific form, like the 5-7-5 haiku, then hoping that upon removing the framework, only a discernible "smell" remains: sorta like a fart that you blame on the dog.
... Mark
I appreciate your reactions to this short piece, and once it's cut loose, any interpretation is in the eye (ear, nose) of the reader.
I'm always interested in trying to work within a specific form, like the 5-7-5 haiku, then hoping that upon removing the framework, only a discernible "smell" remains: sorta like a fart that you blame on the dog.
... Mark
04-26-2022, 12:34 AM
(01-09-2021, 12:24 PM)Mark A Becker Wrote: [ -> ]my dog and I walk
along the trail after fall
searching for some scents
I think these words can be reworked
just for brevity's sake.
Thanks for the read,
Sc.
04-26-2022, 07:18 AM
(04-26-2022, 12:34 AM)Semicircle Wrote: [ -> ]... for brevity's sake.
For brevity's sake I would subtract all but 2 syllables, and be left with only "my dog". That would be fine by me, except that he's 5 years dead now.
And that would be a bit too stinky (even for brevity's sake) .
04-26-2022, 07:32 AM
(04-26-2022, 07:18 AM)Mark A Becker Wrote: [ -> ](04-26-2022, 12:34 AM)Semicircle Wrote: [ -> ]... for brevity's sake.
For brevity's sake I would subtract all but 2 syllables, and be left with only "my dog". That would be fine by me, except that he's 5 years dead now.
And that would be a bit too stinky (even for brevity's sake) .
Brevity can be a cruel bitch sometimes.
When I die, and everyone for that matter,
she's gonna ask for the days we wasted,
so she can give them to other people.
If I could give your dog my wasted days,
I would,
for brevity's sake.