Wonderland
Snowflakes stir in haste,
falling in nighttime moonlight,
rests in boughs of trees,
waiting for the morning sun
to shine on winter's glory.
Hello Tb,
A nice thought here, but it's been done to death already.
Wonderland and winter's glory come across as cliches that don't add anything new.
Stir in haste - cuts against the gentle picture shown in the rest of the poem.
nighttime moonlight - as apposed to daytime moonlight?
Snowflakes gently fall / flickering in the (something) moonlight etc ? A chance here for fresh imagery.
just my thoughts............P
Thanks, philip. Yeah, perhaps I wrote it too quickly without much editing and thought. I tend to use a lot of cliches unfortunately.