Into the Deep
Drown me in the river, watch me as I sink.
Tied together by a dark malevolent spirit ual being, descending
Into the depths.
The farther I float, the more my mind clouds, Memories a flood,
they pull me close. The a surface of this water, I cannot break through.
It's crowded by the roots of the hollowing tree that looms overhead devouring
any light shed by the sun devoured. I touch the bordering line,
my skin borders the becomes numb, the lack of the of the touch
of the ones that I love. It keeps me secluded and wretches the promise that I'll overcome.
All I feel, the water grows cold.
The pressured fingers breaks my fingers into my hand, in through my arm, and down through my spine. My body is aching, surely losing time.
My heartbeats and ,my breaths are slowing and straining. The cavity of my chest now filing with blood, leaking, out of my mouth and trailing behind my corpse.
Death is my carriage but I am it's [dirty?] horse
Assuming there's some meaning in a line length: you're talking a loss of breath while dying, so use it in your line length and cadence, so rock it: take these into consideration, make it salient make it visceral, and make it sing.
And why are we dying, it would be meaningful even if we are dying at random and we are trying to cope with that.
Also steer clear from center justification. These days it's like Babe Ruth pointing at center field. I'm not Babe, you're not Babe, yet, when you're Babe, write one center justified for me, hopefully I am dead and you can write a center justified poem about death for me...haha...if you do make sure you leave a copy at the Poe Museum in RVA, I was married there once...haha
We as poets, need to really handle the line in right justification first, learn caps, learn when to break it, learn when to break it short, when to spill it over to the next line, center justification confuses that a bit, so we need to learn a respect for the line in all of her intricacies before we take her out for a maneuver. Also READ poets that you love, READ them aloud, READ them often, READ your poems aloud, and DON"T STOP writing poems!