Poetry Forum

Handicap


Beneath a gusty tumbled sky
that seemed about to storm that day
I passed a black man biking.
Strong, tough and roughly shaved
he pedaled wearing shorts
a mini-microphone with earbuds
and a purple windbreaker
that spinnaker-ballooned out monstrously
deep around him.
Drag-chuted that way
struggle though he might
he never caught up–
great strength self-impeded
by a jacket he had donned
in fear of rain that wasn’t falling
and never did.

Politic metaphor or not a political metaphor, it works as a small moment poem, with just enough detail (gusty-tumbled sky - great line! . . . roughly shaven . . . shorts, mini-microphone with earbuds) leading in to the offending windbreaker.  Of course purple is a nice choice for avoiding red or blue while combining them (so maybe we could even read it as a larger indictment of political gridlock if we went there). I'd even go so far as to say that I like it as a contrast between masculine and feminine.

Ha, we could even go THERE, into a metaphor about feminism, which I will not. 

Mostly though I just find it personally appealing as a runner because I have seen video of myself running with a big stupid sweater tied to my waist and it's awful, so I personally feel for this guy. 

Oh, one last thing . . . I like the use of "Handicap" as a title, since I was expecting "Handicapped." It keeps the focus on the object not the person, setting up another contrast. As it should be.

(08-07-2020, 09:03 AM)dukealien Wrote: [ -> ]Handicap


Beneath a gusty tumbled sky
that seemed about to fall that day
I passed a black man bicycling.
Strong, tough and roughly shaved
he pedaled wearing shorts
a mini-microphone with earbuds
and a purple windbreaker
that spinnaker-ballooned out monstrously
all around him.
Drag-chuted that way
struggle though he might
he never caught up–
great strength self-impeded
by a jacket he had donned
in fear of rain that wasn’t happening
and never did.

The gentleman's jacket was actually blue rather than purple, but I changed it to avoid having the colour interpreted politically.  I plead Poetic Licence. (Which, oddly enough, is not flagged for spelling as "colour" is.)

Like VP, I thoroughly enjoyed the “gusty tumbled sky” phrase—just lovely. Rereading it I appreciate more the repetition of hyphenated words (spinnaker-ballooned, drag-chuted, self-impeded). I personally interpreted the jacket as a representation of the limits we place on ourselves out of cultural habit, even limits as great in scope as gender or race. Not sure if that was the goal, but it still hit home for me in that way. My two suggestions would be to consider changing “bicycling” to “cycling,” as I feel that it would make the meter flow even more fluidly, and to change “happening” to “falling” in the penultimate line.

edit 1;

Beneath a gusty tumbled sky
that seemed about to storm that day
I passed a black man biking.
Strong, tough and roughly shaved
he pedaled wearing shorts
a mini-microphone with earbuds
and a purple windbreaker
that spinnaker-ballooned out monstrously
deep around him.
Drag-chuted that way
struggle though he might
he never caught up–
great strength self-impeded
by a jacket he had donned
in fear of rain that wasn’t falling
and never did.

---

Glad this was appreciated, and in pretty much the way it was intended.  Thanks to both critics.

@JoyfulNoise - Agreed with both your indicated points of weakness, and edited them... not quite as suggested.  "Biking" rather than "cycling" because "cycling" still has the the regional problem with number of syllables.  "Biking" also enforces the full stop - *really* interrupts the flow   . And "storm" vs. "fall" since fall was to be used later.  One or two other tweaks... thanks again.