Poetry Forum

I would like to state this poem has nothing to do with the current social-political environment. I wrote it about a year ago and revised it a few months ago. Any civil war images are merely to add concreteness to the regionalism. In general I find nothing good or glorious about war. 

The Idea of Order at Hollywood Cemetery
(for Emily)
 
This idea never collected in the several fires that carved Richmond.
Not in the stone figures, that stopped at the top of that hill
to look back at the river.
Sherman can’t hold a rusty old saber to the memory engraved in me.
There was no fire.
No wax, no poured relief, no polished alabaster,
But this not where we met,
Me with one functional leg and a cheap wheelchair,
Mostly keeping up at the museum.
You thought “I was an asshole.”
Not sure when that glass,
Six-sided box collected me.
It took me years to understand this box.
You held me as a specimen,
It still reminds me of your body,
Wet, voluting smells of the ocean,
Coax my fingers to write, hands to trace
In this mind and body.
There’s no correct proportion of you
In an architect’s vision.
You perfume my hands and face.
Phantom iridescent scenes
Ride the light of contours and surfaces
Parting thighs, we hold hands,
Tan skin, polished silver,
Flexing motion mirrored in dim light
Quivering, vision transmuted to sound,
Bones hum in our country.
I said a Tonglen for you and your son,
Thinking about Hollywood Cemetery
It may have been a thought of the future
But you called me back to the past.
I had called so many times before,
And you came to me,
Sweat soaked, drying out in that bed
Lending a hand in my dreams,
Wishing I would never wake.

(07-22-2020, 12:37 AM)Caravano Wrote: [ -> ]I would like to state this poem has nothing to do with the current social-political environment. I wrote it about a year ago and revised it a few months ago. Any civil war images are merely to add concreteness to the regionalism. In general I find nothing good or glorious about war. 

The Idea of Order at Hollywood Cemetery there's a Hollywood cemetery in Houston, any connection? Does this have to do with Hollywood? Idea of order sounds like a military book.
(for Emily)
 
This idea never collected in the several fires that carved Richmond. Virginia? 
Not in the stone figures, that stopped at the top of that hill
to look back at the river. I like the stone figure image, but stopped almost indicates motion which I can't picture in a stone
Sherman can’t hold a rusty old saber to the memory engraved in me. Would it be rusty? Why Sherman?
There was no fire.
No wax, no poured relief, no polished alabaster, a little too repetetive here can you consolidate some of this ?
But this not where we met, this is not?  This was this is there was 
Me with one functional leg and a cheap wheelchair, why? Are you a veteran at a memorial cemetery?
Mostly keeping up at the museum. I hope there's more about the museum later
You thought “I was an asshole.”  you thought you were an asshole? Like me thinking I'm am asshole only you are saying in quotations my thought that I'm an asshole?
Not sure when that glass,
Six-sided box collected me. I'm intrigued by shapes, but we're you scattered?
It took me years to understand this box. It may take me as well
You held me as a specimen,
It still reminds me of your body, I think there could be more coherent sentence structuring.
Wet, voluting smells of the ocean, I like how voluting smells
Coax my fingers to write, hands to trace
In this mind and body. Fingers in your mind? 
There’s no correct proportion of you
In an architect’s vision. This is a dream, is this the museum? 'six sided glass box?
You perfume my hands and face. I couch!
Phantom iridescent scenes
Ride the light of contours and surfaces the light of contours
Parting thighs, we hold hands, do surfaces have thighs?
Tan skin, polished silver, do you tan skin lime leather? Polished the verb? Tan and silver phantoms?
Flexing motion mirrored in dim light
Quivering, vision transmuted to sound,
Bones hum in our country. Back to the cemetery thank you!
I said a Tonglen for you and your son,
Thinking about Hollywood Cemetery is it Hollywood for the sound? 
It may have been a thought of the future
But you called me back to the past.
I had called so many times before,
And you came to me,
Sweat soaked, drying out in that bed I would like some more elaborative foreshadowing to this scene
Lending a hand in my dreams, I knew this was a dream
Wishing I would never wake. Looks scary then sounds sweet

I don't really know what I'm supposed to be feeling because I have a hard time putting it together which may have been your intention which couldn't be counted against but I would like to have read it with uncapitalized line breaks and punctuation.  The sentences are kind of blunt in places.  Do they have to be civil war images? Could your meaning be more relatable with a different war?  You say it has nothing to do with what's going on now but maybe you could make it so?  I really don't know.

Good luck!

Hollywood Cemetery in Richmond VA is on the top of a hill and overlooks the the James River that runs through the city. It was constructed in 1847. There are 2 presidents and several civil war names buried there.
Actually you're right, if I remove the Sherman line; it no longer speaks of the civil war. That portion needs to be tidied up anyway.
"Idea of Order" is an allusion to Wallace Stevens, who wrote a book of poetry "Ideas of Order" and a poem "The Idea of Order at Key West". The caps were in keeping in with a poem that might have been in Ideas of Order, but I am not stuck on it as it isn't my usual style and doesn't really add anything.

Thanks for some perspective for revision.