O rusted lantern clanging shield rock
as I stumble drunk through juniper
toward my cabin at the shore,
luminous and breaking like waves
struck by moon, when will we dissolve?
(02-03-2018, 03:40 AM)Wjames Wrote: [ -> ]O rusted lantern clanging shield rock
as I stumble drunk through juniper
toward my cabin at the shore,
luminous and breaking like waves
struck by moon, when will we dissolve?
Beautifully visual. Every sentence leads on to the next seamlessly, with meanings changing just a tiny bit as the added phrases kick in. I can't suggest any changes here at all.
Thanks, this one was inspired by Blake's "Ah! Sunflower":
I hope it can stand on its own as well, though.