Is there fresh roasted coffee?
Is there warm cake for breakfast?
Yes there is dark coffee, yes there is cake.
Did the small blue plate wash its face?
Does the buttery table
spread under the sun like a meadow?
Yes, the twinkling plate and the salty table
are laid sunny side up.
Are there rats in the walls?
Are there scurrying roaches?
No, that's your ear squeaking.
Will there be work? Will there be words?
Will words hang in the air like china dolls?
Will their eyes be open?
Yes, there will be the happy and the sad,
and those that hang eyeless in-between.
Is there a dead fish under my pillow?
Is there a basket of kittens in the scullery?
Yes, the hungry will dream of fish and dead kittens.
Will there be something?
Yes, you may sleep or awaken,
while your body remembers what to do.
Yes, there will be something.
(12-01-2016, 06:08 AM)Sparkydashforth Wrote: [ -> ]Is there fresh roasted coffee?
Is there warm cake for breakfast?
Yes there is dark coffee, yes there is cake.
Did the small blue plate wash its face?
Does the buttery table
spread under the sun like a meadow?
Yes, the twinkling plate and the salty table
are laid sunny side up.
Are there rats in the walls?
Are there scurrying roaches?
No, that's your ear squeaking.
Will there be work? Will there be words?
Will words hang in the air like china dolls?
Will their eyes be open?
Yes, there will be the happy and the sad,
and those that hang eyeless in-between.
Is there a dead fish under my pillow?
Is there a basket of kittens in the scullery?
Yes, the hungry will dream of fish and dead kittens.
Will there be something?
Yes, you may sleep or awaken,
while your body remembers what to do.
Yes, there will be something.
I'm not sure what's going on here, but I like the buttery table melting into the yellow sun. Would avoid starting sentence/lines with are or other to be verbs ( those are weaker than other types of verbs).
Thanks for taking a look Brownlie
and good FB
Cheers
(12-02-2016, 01:09 AM)Brownlie Wrote: [ -> ] (12-01-2016, 06:08 AM)Sparkydashforth Wrote: [ -> ]Is there fresh roasted coffee?
Is there warm cake for breakfast?
Yes there is dark coffee, yes there is cake.
Did the small blue plate wash its face?
Does the buttery table
spread under the sun like a meadow?
Yes, the twinkling plate and the salty table
are laid sunny side up.
Are there rats in the walls?
Are there scurrying roaches?
No, that's your ear squeaking.
Will there be work? Will there be words?
Will words hang in the air like china dolls?
Will their eyes be open?
Yes, there will be the happy and the sad,
and those that hang eyeless in-between.
Is there a dead fish under my pillow?
Is there a basket of kittens in the scullery?
Yes, the hungry will dream of fish and dead kittens.
Will there be something?
Yes, you may sleep or awaken,
while your body remembers what to do.
Yes, there will be something.
I'm not sure what's going on here, but I like the buttery table melting into the yellow sun. Would avoid starting sentence/lines with are or other to be verbs ( those are weaker than other types of verbs).
I like how you brought emphasis on to the comfort and warmth of everyday things you can find in the kitchen. I enjoyed it, it's a nice thought and I very much liked the way it ended. Saying there is something. I was slightly confused at first by the style but it's something you have to read twice and I like that
Many thanks CRNDLSM.
This is the kind of poem a reader can read into from their personal subjective POV.
That sounds a bit loosy-goosy, but sometimes the hard to nail down -- works.
(12-04-2016, 05:31 AM)CRNDLSM Wrote: [ -> ] (12-01-2016, 06:08 AM)Sparkydashforth Wrote: [ -> ]Is there fresh roasted coffee?
Is there warm cake for breakfast?
Yes there is dark coffee, yes there is cake. I like where this is going
Did the small blue plate wash its face?
Does the buttery table
spread under the sun like a meadow? sounds like someone on their death bed making sure everything is settled before they die.
Yes, the twinkling plate and the salty table
are laid sunny side up.I like all the food references throughout
Are there rats in the walls?
Are there scurrying roaches?
No, that's your ear squeaking. I like that this is the only negative response, but it seems since the dead fish and kittens later are affirmative that this one should match
Will there be work? Will there be words?
Will words hang in the air like china dolls?China dolls hang in the air? creepy vibe makes me think this is death
Will their eyes be open?
Yes, there will be the happy and the sad,
and those that hang eyeless in-between.happy and sad doesn't seem to answer this question like the other responses, I don't know enough about China dolls?
Is there a dead fish under my pillow?
Is there a basket of kittens in the scullery? love the word scullery here
Yes, the hungry will dream of fish and dead kittens. I don't understand this answer though. seems like the squeaking in my own ear, something disgusting that's only in my head
Will there be something?
Yes, you may sleep or awaken,
while your body remembers what to do.
Yes, there will be something. seems like a nice comforting ending
Thanks for sharing, I'm gonna have some coffee and cake now
Cheers anonymouse,
I'm glad that you gave the write a chance to work on you.
(12-15-2016, 06:21 AM)anonymousmouse Wrote: [ -> ]I like how you brought emphasis on to the comfort and warmth of everyday things you can find in the kitchen. I enjoyed it, it's a nice thought and I very much liked the way it ended. Saying there is something. I was slightly confused at first by the style but it's something you have to read twice and I like that