Poetry Forum

Shadows of the Cosmos


Watch as we succumb to the divine.
Plans written on fragile parchment are blurring,
and all the bloody, sacred shadows of the cosmos
are aligning - seek shelter,

before these old actors
of busted, dirty decades
come for their toll.
We are imploding;

and the last lonely star,
harrowed in its singed space,
is glowing as gently
as the fire in our unholy eyes.

I like the way the poem sounds, and I like much of the imagery, though I don't understand the meaning of the poem. It seems to me that you are trying to say something both universal and personal, and doing so in language which has specific meaning to you but may not be clear to a reader. In other words, not everyone will necessarily understand your symbolism. You obviously understand what you mean by terms like "the devine", "fragile parchment", "sacred shadows of the cosmos", "old actors", etc., but will your readers?

The style this poem is written in is interesting, with all the imagery and symbolism you put into the piece, but the message seems a bit vague. It is almost like you are talking about one really deep thought, but then you drift off from what you were talking about. This also gets me thinking about the meaning, since it probably means something different to you than to me. Overall, it is a nice poem that gets my gears turning.

(05-17-2016, 09:31 AM)Mattp Wrote: [ -> ]Shadows of the Cosmos


Watch as we succumb to the divine.
Plans written on fragile parchment are blurring,
and all the bloody, sacred shadows of the cosmos
are aligning - seek shelter,

before these old actors
of busted, dirty decades
come for their toll.
We are imploding;

and the last lonely star,
harrowed in its singed space,
is glowing as gently
as the fire in our unholy eyes.

This poem reads well and that in itself is enjoyable. I very much get a sense of ending when reading this piece; maybe the end of the world or sometime in the group's life. The thing that stands out the  most for me is L1 of S2. before these old actors.... What's going on there; are they standing by or are "we" looking at a portfolio of old actors? And why not go for something more like Before old actors of busted, dirty decades...? 

Just some thoughts...Nice read.

Luna
 

Hello Matt,

This poem has a lovely feel to it. It is a bit vague as to meaning, but somehow that doesn't diminish the pleasure of reading it. Also, it was fun to try various interpretations on and see how they fit.

There are several astronomy trigger words (cosmos, aligning, imploding, star) that make me visualize planetary alignments, black holes, and reaching the end of time physically. There are also several religious words (divine, parchment, bloody, sacred, unholy) that instead make me visualize predestination and more of a judgment day scenario.

I love, love the actors coming for their toll. In the astronomy interpretation, they would be the planets and constellations who have been observed over the centuries and used to predict everything from weather to the coming of kings. Their alignment foreshadows the coming of the end of the world. Or they could even just be Jupiter and Mars etc. the planets as gods from the past, finally getting up and coming down to get us. In a more religious interpretation, I saw the actors as the characters from a scripture text, coming back at a Judgment day to be witness or judges or something. I have no idea if you intended anything like that, and I'm generally rubbish at meanings, but it was fun to postulate.

If you had a rather specific idea in mind, you might want to include some trigger words to guide us to the right conclusion, or give us a key to unlocking the mystery in the title somehow. I personally didn't mind it being left open ended. The very last line about the harrowed star glowing gently and the fire in the unholy eyes, I couldn't make hide nor tail of that one, nor could I fit it into either of my clumsy attempts at interpretation.

The line "in it's singed space" is very hard to say without stumbling.

Without a better understanding of the true purpose of the poem, I hesitate to recommend more specific critique. The imagery is alluring and vivid, but what exactly is happening is too elusive. It's a bit like standing too close to an impressionist painting. The colors are lovely the lines are pleasing, but I just can't quite figure out what its a picture of. But maybe it's not meant to be a picture of anything? Perhaps the pleasing lines and the reader's questions are the purpose.

Anyway, I don't know if any of that helps, but I did enjoy reading it as it is, elusiveness and all.

--Quix

(05-17-2016, 09:31 AM)Mattp Wrote: [ -> ]Shadows of the Cosmos


Watch as we succumb to the divine.
Plans written on fragile parchment are blurring,
and all the bloody, sacred shadows of the cosmos
are aligning - seek shelter,

before these old actors
of busted, dirty decades
come for their toll.
We are imploding;

and the last lonely star,
harrowed in its singed space,
is glowing as gently
as the fire in our unholy eyes.

seems to me as if its heralding the end of the known universe....

and we re left with one last star left in all the cosmos... giving greater meaning to the first line in the final stanza:

"and the last lonely star,
harrowed in its singed space,"

Thank you all for taking the time to crit. I was hoping this poem wouldn't fall on its face due to being overly vague. Sounds like I've gotten away with it, though perhaps not absolutely. I don't think I can put this one in a "the poem means this" box - it's more a combination of themes. Very happy to hear it's working. I was a bit dejected earlier. Thanks again for the comments. Cheers,

- Matt