Poetry Forum

Tired of writing an unending love poem
on the shredded pre-kindling
that fills my recycling bin, I vowed
to become a novelist.

I like this, very successful.

You may want to reconsider your breaks, maybe


Tired of writing an unending love poem
on the shredded pre-kindling
that fills my recycling bin, I vowed
to become a novelist.

Or something else. Nice work.

(07-21-2014, 03:49 PM)Wjames Wrote: [ -> ]Tired of writing an unending love poem
on the shredded pre-kindling that
fills my recycling bin, I vowed to
become a novelist.

(07-21-2014, 08:23 PM)ellajam Wrote: [ -> ]I like this, very successful.

You may want to reconsider your breaks, maybe


Tired of writing an unending love poem
on the shredded pre-kindling
that fills my recycling bin, I vowed
to become a novelist.

Or something else. Nice work.

(07-21-2014, 03:49 PM)Wjames Wrote: [ -> ]Tired of writing an unending love poem
on the shredded pre-kindling that
fills my recycling bin, I vowed to
become a novelist.

Yes that does read smoother - line breaks have never been my forte (I'm still trying to find it ). Thanks

I really enjoyed this, particularly the phrase "shredded pre-kindling."

Possibly making tow sentences instead of one.

"Tired of writing an unending love poem
on the shredded pre-kindling
that fills my recycling bin. I vowed
to become a novelist."

It works either way, this way just adds more emphasis on the last part. Writer's choice.Regardless it is a nice poem.

Dale

Thanks folks, I think I like her as one sentence Dale. I've never been able to write a god foresaken love poem to my satisfaction... I wonder if this counts.

i guess it's a common curse of writing love poems i enjoyed it.

(07-21-2014, 03:49 PM)Wjames Wrote: [ -> ]TIRED OF writing an unending love poem why the caps?
on the shredded pre-kindling
that fills my recycling bin, I vowed a suggestion would be to lose the [that and change [fills] to [filling]
to become a novelist.