This is my first triolet. It is intended to be the introduction to a poem about a despot whose violence and warfare result in losing the one he loves. Please let me know if you see any breaks in meter or stress, as that is my weakest area.
Prelude
Dragon's blood runs cold,
Though they blast the greed of men.
Like the vain pursuit of gold,
Dragon's blood runs cold.
Worthless trinkets we all hold
Wealth is worry without end;
Dragon's blood runs cold,
Though they blast the greed of men.
Dragon's fire burns,
Burns blue-hot within.
Cities filled with urns
As dragon's fire burns.
Despots smelt and churn
Stolen loot with sin.
Dragon's fire burns,
Burns blue-hot within!
Sharp as dragon's claws,
Sharper still than scales and fangs,
Are the cruelest human laws:
Sharp as dragon claws,
Which take into its maw
The innocent, to be hanged.
The army takes their place,
With a drake's violence.
A lethal, jagged brace:
The army takes their place.
Then they march to waste
A town, burned in silence.
The army takes their place,
With a drake's violence.
Hey hippy,
Assuming you're aiming for a standard triolet, you should be looking for iambic tetrameter. 4 feet of iambs per line. (iamb being a "soft HARD" foot)
There are some exceptions to this rule;
A trochee (HARD soft) early in a line can be acceptable,
A spondee (HARD HARD) can substitute for an iamb (as long as they are not too frequent!),
The opening soft syllable can be dropped to provide emphasis e.g. HARD soft HARD soft HARD soft HARD
and there are substitution and demotion rules;
three HARD syllables will demote the second of the three to a soft stress and vice versa.
e.g. BURNS BLUE HOT, becomes BURNS blue HOT.
But be wary, these exceptions can only be used sparingly. If they appear too frequently the whole thing breaks down.
Think of your rhythm as guiding the reader. If your meter is consistent, your reader will adapt to the odd exception, and you can use these to bring additional meaning to the poem (emphasis, stops, runs etc)
But if it is too haphazard, the reader has no baseline, and spends more time struggling to read than understanding.
I've taken a stab at scanning your first stanza below and done a suggested edit that tidies it up.
Note that I may be wrong in places. I'm still learning myself.
I love your content here though, I'll look forward to seeing this develop
[quote='kindofahippy' pid='156020' dateline='1393211877']
Prelude
Dragon's blood runs cold,
DRAGon's BLOOD runs COLD - you are one whole foot short here.
Though they blast the greed of men.
though they BLAST the GREED of MEN
anapest , iamb , iamb - three feet again, and you really don't want to find anapests in an iambic meter
Like the vain pursuit of gold,
LIKE the VAIN purSUIT of GOLD - you've missing the opening soft syllable but this is acceptable.
Dragon's blood runs cold. see above
Worthless trinkets we all hold
WORTHless TRINKets WE all HOLD - again, no opening syllable but passable.
Wealth is worry without end;
WEALTH is WORRy without END
trochee - trochee - anapest
Dragon's blood runs cold, see above,
Though they blast the greed of men. see above,
[b]Suggested;
The dragon's boiling blood runs cold
although they blast the greed of men.
Through vain pursuit of lifeless gold
the dragon's boiling blood runs cold.
The treasured trinkets we all hold,
are wealth and worry end to end;
The dragon's boiling blood runs cold,
although they blast the greed of men
(02-25-2014, 11:05 AM)tomoffing Wrote: [ -> ]Hey hippy,
Assuming you're aiming for a standard triolet, you should be looking for iambic tetrameter. 4 feet of iambs per line. (iamb being a "soft HARD" foot)
There are some exceptions to this rule;
A trochee (HARD soft) early in a line can be acceptable,
A spondee (HARD HARD) can substitute for an iamb (as long as they are not too frequent!),
The opening soft syllable can be dropped to provide emphasis e.g. HARD soft HARD soft HARD soft HARD
and there are substitution and demotion rules;
three HARD syllables will demote the second of the three to a soft stress and vice versa.
e.g. BURNS BLUE HOT, becomes BURNS blue HOT.
But be wary, these exceptions can only be used sparingly. If they appear too frequently the whole thing breaks down.
Think of your rhythm as guiding the reader. If your meter is consistent, your reader will adapt to the odd exception, and you can use these to bring additional meaning to the poem (emphasis, stops, runs etc)
But if it is too haphazard, the reader has no baseline, and spends more time struggling to read than understanding.
I've taken a stab at scanning your first stanza below and done a suggested edit that tidies it up.
Note that I may be wrong in places. I'm still learning myself.
I love your content here though, I'll look forward to seeing this develop
Thank you for your input. I'll need to set this poem aside until I grasp those things. I actually can't hear syallable stress in words that well, and so I cannot workshop any poetry until I am able to apply proper stress. What I could use is some sort of glossary of words and their proper stresses.
The basics are listed in this thread;
http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/showthread.php?tid=3512
And I found this to be really helpful in getting up and running.
http://www.firesides.ca/scansion6.htm
Reading and practicing are ultimately the only way to progress though. Id recommend "An essay on criticism" by Alexander Pope. It's written in heroic couplets of iambic pentameter (5 feet of soft HARD per line).
If you read a few pages at a time, then try to write yourself, you'll find the rhythm working its way into your ear.
best of luck.