hello,
i'm unsure how to do this - i kindaa think i can, but when i do i get carried away with my own poems. here's part of a review i tried to write for the 2013 collection by simmons - drysalter.
Quote: “All-seeing-I saw ocular blood clots,
sun blemished skin and a broken heart.
Now wait while I spit out your mugshots.”
The automated insult and the poet's attitude to his "broken heart" do not jar, and so I am not convinced that he can use it can be the focal point of the poem. I am left wondering if I should read his heartbreak as melodramatic due to the TECHNICAL TERM of “blood”, or as unconvincing cynicism due to the TECHNICAL TERM of “and a broken”. It would be a rushed to claim that Simmons is able to harmonize such disparate elements through his imagination and clever use of expectation.
maybe you won't make sense of what i'm asking til i found the technical terms ha......... the first term i just mean: when we expect a unstressed syllable and get a stressed. the second term is when: we expect a stressed syllable and get an unstressed (and).
i read it as
Quote:All-seeing-I saw ocular blood clots,
sun blemished skin and a broken heart.
Now wait while I spit out your mugshots.
thanks for any help!
(01-20-2014, 06:07 AM)clemonz Wrote: [ -> ]hello,
i'm unsure how to do this - i kindaa think i can, but when i do i get carried away with my own poems. here's part of a review i tried to write for the 2013 collection by simmons - drysalter.
Quote: “All-seeing-I saw ocular blood clots,
sun blemished skin and a broken heart.
Now wait while I spit out your mugshots.”
The automated insult and the poet's attitude to his "broken heart" do not jar, and so I am not convinced that he can use it can be the focal point of the poem. I am left wondering if I should read his heartbreak as melodramatic due to the TECHNICAL TERM of “blood”, or as unconvincing cynicism due to the TECHNICAL TERM of “and a broken”. It would be a rushed to claim that Simmons is able to harmonize such disparate elements through his imagination and clever use of expectation.
maybe you won't make sense of what i'm asking til i found the technical terms ha......... the first term i just mean: when we expect a unstressed syllable and get a stressed. the second term is when: we expect a stressed syllable and get an unstressed (and).
i read it asQuote:All-seeing-I saw ocular blood clots,
sun blemished skin and a broken heart.
Now wait while I spit out your mugshots.
thanks for any help!
I am flummoxed. Just what exactly are you trying to do? Trying to scan free verse? The technical term for getting the wrong stress/unstressed syllable, or else the wrong foot altogether is usually "botched meter", or in some more colorful countries they may call it "bullocks", unless there is a reason for it and it is used reasonably--as for free verse, though, there are no expectations--there is no technical term for "expecting" one level of stress and getting another.
(01-20-2014, 02:42 PM)trueenigma Wrote: [ -> ] (01-20-2014, 06:07 AM)clemonz Wrote: [ -> ]hello,
i'm unsure how to do this - i kindaa think i can, but when i do i get carried away with my own poems. here's part of a review i tried to write for the 2013 collection by simmons - drysalter.
Quote: “All-seeing-I saw ocular blood clots,
sun blemished skin and a broken heart.
Now wait while I spit out your mugshots.”
The automated insult and the poet's attitude to his "broken heart" do not jar, and so I am not convinced that he can use it can be the focal point of the poem. I am left wondering if I should read his heartbreak as melodramatic due to the TECHNICAL TERM of “blood”, or as unconvincing cynicism due to the TECHNICAL TERM of “and a broken”. It would be a rushed to claim that Simmons is able to harmonize such disparate elements through his imagination and clever use of expectation.
maybe you won't make sense of what i'm asking til i found the technical terms ha......... the first term i just mean: when we expect a unstressed syllable and get a stressed. the second term is when: we expect a stressed syllable and get an unstressed (and).
i read it asQuote:All-seeing-I saw ocular blood clots,
sun blemished skin and a broken heart.
Now wait while I spit out your mugshots.
thanks for any help!
I am flummoxed. Just what exactly are you trying to do? Trying to scan free verse? The technical term for getting the wrong stress/unstressed syllable, or else the wrong foot altogether is usually "botched meter", or in some more colorful countries they may call it "bullocks", unless there is a reason for it and it is used reasonably--as for free verse, though, there are no expectations--there is no technical term for "expecting" one level of stress and getting another.
actually, I think he is referring to attempting to rhyme masculine with feminine.
The mistake occurs in his scansion - it is BLOODclots rhyming with MUGshots so it is fine.
Quote: I think he is referring to attempting to rhyme masculine with feminine.
no i wasn't.
but i dunno if my scansion is "wrong". i'll try to find the term i meant later.
the term is just "substitution". i haven't found a variant of the term when it is used WRT different feet.
in the first instance according to my scansion there is a "substitution" of an iamb for a pyrrrhic, in the other example for an anapest.
(01-21-2014, 03:03 AM)clemonz Wrote: [ -> ]Quote: I think he is referring to attempting to rhyme masculine with feminine.
no i wasn't.
but i dunno if my scansion is "wrong". i'll try to find the term i meant later.
the term is just "substitution". i haven't found a variant of the term when it is used WRT different feet.
Perhaps "incorrect" or "erroneous" ?
(01-21-2014, 03:15 AM)milo Wrote: [ -> ] (01-21-2014, 03:03 AM)clemonz Wrote: [ -> ]Quote: I think he is referring to attempting to rhyme masculine with feminine.
no i wasn't.
but i dunno if my scansion is "wrong". i'll try to find the term i meant later.
the term is just "substitution". i haven't found a variant of the term when it is used WRT different feet.
Perhaps "incorrect" or "erroneous" ?
the term is just "substitution". so it would just be "substitution of X for Y", there's nothing coined to shorten the term.
i think people keep misunderstanding me
!
Quote:“All-seeing-I saw ocular blood clots,
sun blemished skin and a broken heart.
Now wait while I spit out your mugshots.”
Should I read his heartbreak as weakly impersonal due to the substitution of a anapest in "and a broken", which works with the consonance of "sun" and "skin" to give the statement a relative sense of unimportance. Or should I read the author as melodramatic, due to the substitution of a pyrrhic in “blood clots", working to highlight the coagulation of blood and distress.
It would be a rushed to claim that Simmons is able to harmonize such disparate elements through his imagination and clever use of expectation.
all i'm doing is analyzing prosody, but what i don't know is how to present an argument on it - what features really are interesting prosodic elements, when to stop, etc.
That's the problem with having to do things you aren't interested in. Or are you doing this because you're interested in this Simmons character and his poems?
i am not particularly interested in roberts (simmons is his middle name).
i AM interested in the rhythms of poetry though
There are more pleasurable ways of studying poetry, I guess. I don't know. I never did my homework so I have to go through life with that handicap of ignorance. The poets you do like might have rhythm.