Poetry Forum

There is some thing i talk about,
only to myself.
It lets me feel like I'm apart
from everybody else.

It lets me recognize my face,
when plunged into the mass.
it makes me proud to be my own,
at night, below the sea of stars;
it makes me whole, although alone,
at night, the time I shout and laugh.

And yet I know; whilst my years pass,
it leaves me certain of one thing.
The secret's made of shiny glas,
it leaves, as moonlight dies, I sing.

There is some thing i talk about,
only to myself.
It lets me feel like I'm apart
from everybody else.

Do you want some thing or something? You have that i lowercase, but not in other places. As simplistic as this stanza is, I often write that way myself; I won't say it's awful, you decide what you think. And look to the rest of the poem to back it up.



It lets me recognize my face,
when plunged into the mass.
it makes me proud to be my own,
at night, below the sea of stars;
it makes me whole, although alone,
at night, the time I shout and laugh.

That it after the period is lowercase. The last few lines get pretty fragmented with those commas. And there's not much original going on here so far.

And yet I know; whilst my years pass,
it leaves me certain of one thing.
The secret's made of shiny glas,
it leaves, as moonlight dies, I sing.

You mean glass? The wording is kind of awkward, and it doesn't come through with much.